Saturday, October 31, 2009

Day 9

Happy Halloween

Well I feel much better this morning, better than I did last night. We went to a Halloween party, my first costume one, yea!! Anyway I made the mistake of drinking and not really eating before I went and I didn't really want any of the munchie food. I didn't get all loopy or anything just enough to get nausea's and when we got home I went straight to bed. What I really wanted was some McDonald's french fries but they were closed....bummer!!!
So I am thankful for not getting sick!!!!

It kinda feels like Halloween outside.....I hope we get some trick or treaters on a coldasack (spelling) kinda limits us! We have some really cool pumpkins though. Kyle, Amber and Ashley carved them last night. I can't wait to put them out with some candles tonight....spooky!!!

Don't forget to set your clocks back tonight........

I'm kinda nervous about going to sleep tonight. The last couple of nights have been pretty restless for me and I am afraid that my old sleep is going to come back. I know that everything cycles!!!! I really really don't want this to happen!!!!

My pain is about a 9 out of 10 but I am going to have a good day anyway. I am going to take my time in doing things but I AM going to get things done.
I am not going to let it get to me today!!!!!!!!!!

Jim is out with his friends doing the pre hunting thing...getting the land ready and all kinds of guy stuff....I hope he has fun. I can't wait to watch the Carolina (South) Tenn game tonight. Go Gameocks!!!!

Thursday, October 29, 2009

Day 8 of 28 days

I was sitting here thinking about what to write about today and it just dawned on me!! I am thankful for a certain young lady named Jessica Stegall!!! (Jessica has just started reading my blog and leaves me positive little notes) Jessica is a very beautiful senior in school, who just got her acceptance letter for college. I could not be more happy for her.....I met Jessica thru our church the KIRK. Jessica has a very big heart, a passionate temper and a curiosity for life. I can always count on a hug from Jessica.

Jessica and I have gone to lunch a couple times to just talk about "stuff", which reminds me, we need to do lunch again. Of course, when is up to her because she is always doing something. I'll have to ask her when I see her next.

I am happy today because again I am feeling pretty clear headed. My energy is very low but I am going to make myself do yard work today. I know I will be so happy after I am done.....our yard needs some serious cleaning up!!! It is so relaxing and a great workout for me. Which I so need. I am going to be very careful with my back, it is just starting to feel better and I don't want that pain again!!!

My pain today is about a 7 but again, I am sooooo tired of doing nothing. I can't stand it!!!!!
It is so beautiful outside and I am not going to be able to stay inside!!!!!! I would go insane!!!!!!!!!!!!! That would so stress me out................

Wednesday, October 28, 2009

Day 7

Wow I woke up about 7:30 and I was pretty awake. Of course I am falling asleep now while typing this. I am fighting it!!!! I could get up but I want to write now because I have a kinda busy day. That is what I am being positive about today......being able to do what I want to do today. Feeling up to it........I am going to pace myself!!!

I am also very happy because my daughter is coming up here for Thanksgiving!! I am soooo happy!!!! I felt like a little kid after her and I talked yesterday....:)

I just enjoyed my 5 min nap......fell asleep in the middle of typing...

My pain right now is about a 8 but again I am dealing with it!!! I am really trying to be positive and be glad that I feel clear headed. (except for falling asleep now)

Yesterday was a pretty good day for me.....I ate all day it seems but I had a good day. Today the eating will be cut down. I am going to order a work out tape today....the 10 minute workout!! Lets hope this works......It is all about me!!!!

Tuesday, October 27, 2009

Day 6

OK so it is not really the 6th day of me being positive, I am off on a few days but this is the 6th day of me typing.
Today has been a good and bad day for me......
The bad part is I just ate buttered popcorn at 11:30 at night. Why O why did I do that????? OK now I move on to the good part.

I woke up feeling pretty good this morning.......I didn't want to stay in bed. I got up and did some piddly things. Then I went outside and did some yard work in the rain. Of course it wasn't raining when I started but I was so enjoying myself that when it started raining I didn't want to stop. I started cleaning up one of my flower beds and planted some broccoli and red cabbage. Yard work relaxes me, distresses me.......I so miss doing it. I used to be able to start first thing in the morning and go until the sun was going down. I spent about 2 hours outside then came in and took a rest for about an hour. (with my cat and dog of course). My pain level all day has been about a 7 on a scale of 1-10 but my mind has felt clear and that makes a big difference!!!

As for my fatigue, it is still there!! I try so hard to fight against it!..........I keep nodding off as I type this!!

Monday, October 26, 2009

Day 5 of being positive

O.K. so in case you are wondering, I made it home!!!! I am feeling really positive about my drive home.....I only had to stop 1 time and take a nap. I made it just shy of 2 hours and then I took a 1/2 hour nap. I probably could have slept a little longer but wanted to get home. I did stop in Conway and bought me a book on tape, that helped a good bit. The second 1/2 of my drive home was really good!! Very happy to be home!!!! I must admit though, I miss my daughter terribly!!!

Had a really nice weekend with my hubby....didn't do much of anything!

Kinda late and I am falling asleep typing....will type more in the morning.

Thursday, October 22, 2009

Day 4 of being positive and thankful

OK today I am having a hard time being positive and thankful. I am thankful to be alive!!!!!
I really don't like the chronic fatigue.....I can live with my pain it is the tiredness that is killing me......I hate having no energy!!! I am actually feeling pretty good today as far as my pain is going, I just have no energy!!! I have been laying around all day...I have ridden my bike twice and gone for a short walk with my dad.

I think my butt has spread another 6 inches :)

I could be in jail right now so I guess I should be thankful that I am not!! It is to long to get into but if you read this and really want to know what happened, you can ask me. I will say that I stood up for customer service!!!!!!!!! Called the owner/mgr of a cleaning business an a__hole and refused to leave when he threatened to call the cops on me, in fact I told him to call them!!!!! I was with my dad too..... I apologize to my father for the way I acted......hey dad, next time I will sit in the car, o.k.?

I am going home tomorrow...kinda nervous about driving but I can DO IT!!! I am just going to take my time, stop and walk around when I need to. I can't wait to get a big hug from my hubby and get into my favorite position. Get your minds out of the gutter, it is a certain way he hugs me!!!
I think Gizzy has enjoyed his visit too!!
I know I have......I love spending time with my daughter and parents.

I am going to really really miss my daughter!!!! I love you sweat pea!!!! I am so proud of you, keep up the great work. I know it is hard but you can do it!!!

Wednesday, October 21, 2009

Day 3 of being positive and thankful

I woke up about 5:30 this morning but it was one of those wake ups where you are awake but not functioning. Make sense??? I finally fell asleep about 7:30 and then woke up about 9:00. Today is my daughters birthday and I fixed her brunch before she left for school. Of course I put a candle in her bread and sang happy birthday......I loved the smile on her face, it is priceless!!!!

I am feeling pretty good right now, my back is still not 100% but it is getting there. I wish I new what makes it act up? It starts out with a few twinges and then it gets where I cannot even stand up straight. The thought of walking is so painful. It is like someone has taken a vice grip and has put a hold on my back....It seems to last longer every time it acts up!!! Today makes 2 days short of a week. I really hate it because it stops me from doing sooo much. Even with my fibro these past couple of days my back hurting has made me even more debilitated!! Which really sucks!!!! Not being able to stand up straight.......I am only 46!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Today I am thankful for my parents!! I have been so blessed to have patient, loving, understanding, there for me know matter what parents. I put them through so much during my growing up years!! I try to spend as much time with them as I can, and I talk to them sometimes up to 3/4 times in a day. When I got remarried one of the things I talked to Jim about was that I wanted to come home when ever possible to see my mom and dad. He agreed to this because he knew how important this was to me. Our friends give me a hard time about spending so much time at the beach, they want to act like I am laying around at the beach all the time. When in fact, I hardly ever get to the beach. I am so thankful for my husband and his understanding of how important my parents are to me.

It is beautiful outside and I am going for a bike ride and then come back to do some sit-ups from P90X!!!

Tuesday, October 20, 2009

Day 2 of being positive

I woke up this morning not wanting to stay in bed!!! I am so thankful for that!!! Alot of mornings I wake up and don't even have the energy to move....i struggle to go down stairs and take my meds then struggle to get back up stairs and crawl into bed. (to wait for my meds to kick in) and even after they have kicked in i am still not motivated to get going. There is fog feeling in my brain. This morning it is not there...I love this feeling. This clear headed feeling is something that you "lucky normal" people have every day. I don't feel like my brain has the flu today!!

I am also thankful every day for my beautiful daughter Alexandra (Alexx) Elizabeth. I was so blessed by God the day I became pregnant with her!!! My daughter is the light of my life. Alexx turns 18 tomorrow and I am so afraid! Afraid because she is turning into the woman she wants to be and there are days I feel she doesn't need me. I know, she will always need me but for those of you reading this that are moms, you know what I mean.
Alexx is venturing out on her own.........just know this Alexx, if you read this.... I love you with all my heart and am ALWAYS here for you. I am so proud of the young lady you are turning into!!!

Well, while I am feeling good, I am going to take a shower and try to have a productive day. I am going bike riding later too :)

Monday, October 19, 2009

28 days of being positive!!

For the next 28 days I am going to write about positive things in my life. It can be something that has occured in the past or that day, as long as it is positive!

I am going to mention how I am feeling that day but that is going to be for my records only.

I am so thankful for my husband...Jim is my rock, my anchor, my best friend, my soul mate.

Jim can drive me nuts or make me soooo angry but I always love him! I know I can always count on him. He puts me first in everything he does. I can lean on him when I am sad, not feeling well or just need to be held.

I can drive Jim nuts, make him soooo angry but he always loves me!! Unconditionaly!!

Jim is what I am thankful for today and everyday of my life!!!

I went to the gym with my dad today. I was going to do the senior workout with him but my back is still hurting pretty bad (you should see me get out of the car lol) so I decided to ride the stationary bike and did 2 arm excercises. Of course I wanted to crash after that but we ran some errands, so no crashing! Went to Goodwill and got me some pants to bum around the house in. I forgot to bring some....I love the Goodwill, my pants were less than $4.00 and I really like them Plus my dad got his senior discount....yea baby!!! I am thankful for Goodwill too!!

My legs and feet are giving me a small fit is really my shouldars and arms that hurt...

Friday, October 16, 2009

Short blog today.....I am heading to the beach to see my daughter and parents...yea!!

Please pray that I can stay awake for the drive down. Jim is driving not me, I am not allowed to drive. Actually it is not that I am not allowed to drive, the safety of other drivers is why!!! When I drive I have a tendency to fall asleep. Not right away though and not every time. I could do this if I wanted to!!!!!!
I also want to stay awake because I love the conversation with my hubby!!

I am taking my bike with me....we are buying my daughter a bike for her birthday ( Alexx don't read this :) I want to ride all next week. I am so excited to do this. Great my own pace yea!!!!

I am so hoping for good weather....I love the sunshine.

Gotta go get packed......please Lord give me the strength to have a great week!!

Thursday, October 15, 2009

I was reading someone elses blog today and they were talking about something I often wonder about......when my friends ask how I am doing, do they really want to know?? Do they really want to hear how my days are going??? Or are they hoping I will say ok and leave it at that?
Do they really care?? Do they think I am just wining because they really don't get it....

I must admit, I am very jealous of my friends and family....they are living there lives just like they always have.....Again, I don't wish fibromyalgia on anyone!!! I do however wonder how they would "deal" with it if they had to. My friends and family really don't have any true idea of what I go thru on a daily basis. Except for my wonderful hubby!! He has seen the complete change in me.......he gets to see me live everyday with it.

People look at me and think I am ok just because on the outside I look ok......I often wonder if my friends think....O just get over it, it is not that bad! I have put on ALOT of weight and everyone knows I hate is not so easy to take off when you don't have the energy to work out.....I wonder do they really understand that or again are they thinking, just get up!!!!


I can still feel the skinny me inside.......

On that note, I am going to get up, take my dog for a walk....try to get some motivation going on...

p.s. I have been saying how blessed I am to have my in-laws, well I am here to say....I HAVE THE BEST SISTER IN LAW!!!!! Thank you Kris for caring and loving me!!! I wished we lived closer......

Wednesday, October 14, 2009

I have been reading other peoples blogs about fibro and none are really like mine....

I am more or less doing this for me and my family.....I want them to know where my mind is and how I am feeling on a daily basis. Sometimes I just babble but it makes me feel better!!!

I hope to print all of my babblings one day and have it to remind me of good and bad days.

I woke up this morning and wanted to scream!!!! My back and stomach are on fire!! The best way to descibe the pain is EXCRUCIATING!!!
My legs and feet are still attached but on a scale of 1-10, they are about a 70!! My lower back is way off the scale!

There is actually a Fibromyalgia should check it out. Anyway, I read the best think last night on there. They have discussion boards and one of the topics is titled "I bought a gallon of milk" something like that, I am not sure of the title now. It was awesome, I am not alone, I am not lazy, I am not crazy, I laughed........I am going to see if Jim can someway post it on here for me or put it on my facebook page. It is a little long but I loved it!!!!

I have fallen asleep at least 6 times while typing this.....going to get up and do some errands around the house.

My hubby is still trying not to get sick. I mean he is feeling something coming on and is fighting it....I tried talking him into staying in bed a little longer this morning....but of course not!!! Get better, hunny....I love you!!

I GET TO SEE MY BABY GIRL FRIDAY NIGHT!!! YEA!!!!!!!!!!!! She is turning 18 on the 21st of this month......STOP...I don't want you to grow up!! I am so proud of her, she is turning into such a beautiful young lady!!

p.s. had a great dinner last night at my in-laws house last night. I have said this several times but I am so truly blessed to have them in my life. They have been there for me every step of the way in my 'journey' with fibro. Since the day I met them, they have accepted me for me! I have loved them since day 1.......thank you Sue and Mike for everything you do!!! You are truly wonderful people!!!

Tuesday, October 13, 2009

I hope everyone understands where I was coming from on my last blog. I don't want to sound like I am cold hearted. I just want to let people know how I feel, try to help them to understand how bad I feel on a daily basis.

Right now I am trying to figure out if I am getting the creepy crud like my husband or just my fibro. My throat has the "feeling" in it....i feel really really tired. My body weighs a ton and no it is not all the fat.....with fibro you get that tired feeling, like you have the flu 24/7 but this feels like a cold. My eyes even hurt.
The thought of moving my legs....ugh!!

I hate when my hubby feels bad....I wish I had a magic wand and could make it all go away. Jim is a very strong man and does not take to getting sick very well....stubborn comes to mind. He says he is not weak stock.....

Today was a kinda waisted day for me. I feel like dead weight walking. Again I have talks with my body....trying to get the energy to do something!!! I really don't like being lazy.
Wow, I just had to get up and get my feet feel like every bone is broken in them. To take a step was feet have not hurt like this in a while. Going up the stairs was excruciating!!!!

My stomach is on fire I feel like I have a 5 ton gas bubble inside.....

OK so let's see how I feel in the morning......
Happy Birthday to my awesome father-in-law...I am truly blessed!!!

I am going to be really honest here, I will hopefully not regret it. Also as you read this please please take what I am saying to heart.......
I am so wanting to get a flu shot this year but am afraid it will make me feel worse than I already do. If yesterday is any indication of how I am going to be feeling with cold rainy weather, then I am praying for sunshine!!!! Plain and simple.....crappy weather = crappy feeling!!!!

My sweet hubby is not feeling so well.....creepy crud....cold....wanna go get the flu shot with me????

I am trying to get him to rest..haha....I am going to get some sanitizer wipes for him to take to the office. Then I am going to bug him to use them...haha

Here comes the part where I am being honest......Jim, you are feeling kinda cruddy right now, right?? O.K. imagine that is how you felt 24/7 with no hope of feeling better. My friend, Michelle hurt her hand pretty bad about 2 months still hurts her off and on but is getting better....imagine if it hurt at it's worst and wasn't going to go away. My friend Paul could not sit still in church on Sunday because his back was hurting him pretty bad....again....imagine it not going away. Kyle says his knee is hurting him and I am like...O' well. I am such a bad person but sometimes I have a hard time feeling bad when someone is hurting or not feeling good. (Jim, this does not apply to you the way it does everyone are my hubby and my love) I am not saying my heart doesn't go out to them or that I am not being genuine when I ask how they are feeling. I am not a cold hearted person...(no nasty comments thank you) I truly hope my friends and family understand what I mean by this....

I am not going to ignore someone in pain...I hope this makes sense and that you don't think less of me.....
I will pamper my hubby and try to ease his cruddyness(new word) I will love on my daughter if she is not feeling good, I will nurse Kyle back to health, do what ever I can to make someone feel better.....

Going for an eye check up today....
Going to take my dog for a great walk today....
Going to get some more mulch for my yard......

Sunday, October 11, 2009

Nothing like having a good cry!!! I am so full of mixed emotions right now......I am feeling sorry for myself and Jim. I worry that Jim is going to resent me. Today we went to some friends house and I was ready to leave after about 30 minutes. Jim was having a good time and I was the party pooper. We did stay a couple of hours though. Really nice friends, we should spend more time with them.
When we got home we had a discussion about how I am not like the girl he married. I actually started the talk because I felt something was bugging him. I am so afraid that he is going to tire of the "new" me. I know Jim loves me with all his heart and would do anything in the world for me, he truly is an awesome husband!!! Having fibro not only affects the way you feel but what you do and who you are!!! It affects the people you love.......fibro is so ugly.

I so miss the old me.....I think about it every second of my day. It is the worst part of having fibro. Especially when people look at you and you look the same (plus 30 pounds) I have become such a recluse, I hate to make plans, i am fine being by myself. how is this fair to jim??? it is not!!! he is supposed to be understanding, isn't he?? no!! i don't understand myself!!! i hate this for him so much...he deserves so much more!!

How do you get family members to understand when they are really hurting you. How do you get family members to understand that what they are doing really hurts you to your heart. I'm told no big deal, it is just part of their lives. They don't mean anything by still hurts you!! No matter what you say, they don't get it.....or don't want to!!!
They get frustrated with you instead of trying to really understand....

I love my cat!!!!!

fibro changes everyones lives......

I love you Jim.......

Friday, October 9, 2009

Well I just worked out and am feel pretty ok.....not good but ok.
In the middle of working out out I was thinking...scary I know.
Having fibro and working out versus a "normal" person working out. Again imagine having the flu and having to force yourself to do something. That"s how I felt. At one time I was lifting the weights and thought how it would be great to feel normal and work out!!! It is 3X harder for me to work out.

Am I really just fat and lazy??? Do I really have fibro, is it all in my mind??? Those are conversations I have with myself all the time.....It so hard to be trapped in this body!!!! I can walk around the house, from room to room just trying to get myself going. I know this doesn't make sense but to me it does. I know the extra weight doesn't help....that is what really sucks!!! I want to loose weight to feel better.........

We are having a dinner at our house tonight, Dinner for Sinners. I don't want to do it!!!! That is so sad on my part. I like all the people that are coming, it is the energy that I am going to have to use that I don't like. I am so selfish with my time!!!

Jim is such a wonderful husband, he didn't sign up for this..........

Not a lot planned for this weekend....going to the movies. Yea!!!

After all this, I am glad I worked out!!!!!

Thursday, October 8, 2009

Imagine being in pain 24 hours a day and having to act like you are fine. Imagine doing something and all of a sudden you are completely exhausted. Where you feel like your body is being drained of all energy.... you have to fight to keep your eyes open....welcome to my world!!!!

Today I was trying so hard to get going......i felt like a walking zombie at times. i wanted to lay down but i am soooo tired of laying down. i made myself do stuff. finally about 4:00 i started to feel like myself. i did some yard work.....not much but some is better than none. i need about 20 bags of black mulch, anyone want to donate to my home depot funds??? haha
I can't wait to get the rest done, it is going to make the yard look really good. i love yard work!!!
it is such good therapy....i can't do it all like i used to but i get it done.

i rode the bike at the Y for 28 felt good to do. i can't wait to get my bike out and ride with jim, or my friend.

I constantly have little pep talks with myself. i am not loosing my mind, i am this tired!! i have no energy....i try so hard to talk myself into having doesn't work!!! i tell myself that it is all in my head, i could have energy if i just got up and got going....yea, right!!!! like i enjoy watching my butt get bigger just laying (sitting) around. my feet and legs would not hurt if i used them more....yea, right again!!!!

ok i am sitting here typing with 1 eye closed, can't stay awake!!! i am going to bed...

Wednesday, October 7, 2009

first let me start off by saying, i love my husband!!!
i thought that was a better way to start off this morning then saying........I HATE MORNINGS!!!!!! to wake up every morning feeling like you have the body hurts!!! having to make that first trek down the stairs just kills me, i look like i am about 80 yrs old. imagine me taking 1 step at a time and wincing with each step.
what is even funnier is me going down the stairs at 4:00ish in the morning to let maggie out.

yesterday was an ok day. i had a hard time getting started and once i did, it was not a fast pace. i did however do my P90X. i did much better on my munching, still have a long way to go but it is a start.

i asked Jim to get my bike down, i am going to start doing some riding around the neighborhood. i am probably going to have to walk up several hills but i am going to do it. AWESOME for my hips and thighs.......hopefully i can sweet talk my hubby into riding with me some.........i am going to try taking maggie with me too. (not every time though)

my neck and shoulder pain and tightness is coming back. it drives me nuts as well as hurts!!! it has always been there but i could kinda forget about it. not now!!! why do massages cost so much?????? so let's see, i have pain in my legs, feet, my neck and shoulders....i would say...I HURT!!!!!!!!

not a lot planned for today, take care of a few errands, P90X and bible study tonight. it is absolutely beautiful outside, i think i will put some mulch out too.
gotta go

Tuesday, October 6, 2009

ok so my morning has passed and now my afternoon is getting ready to day is officially starting.....NOW!!!!
Have a few errands to run and then back to do workout buddy is under the weather. It is so much more fun with someone, plus I need her support!! Get better quick!!!
Yesterday was an ok day......spurts of energy but then they were gone. My pain level was up and done too.
I am seriously thinking about getting a part time job some where......really need the money!!! Plus it would help give me purpose to my day. I could start out 1 - 2 days a week, just a couple of hours at first......wish me luck!!!!

Monday, October 5, 2009

i love this weather but one for a few days then i want my sunshine back!!!!!
I have I told you how I hate mornings lately???? Imagine waking up 5 out of 7 mornings feeling like you have the flu. You know how your body aches, your chest feels tight and your feet and legs ache (for me it hurts like h_ll) the second they hit the floor...., well that's how I feel!!!! It usually takes at least an hour to become somewhat alive. My brain and my body are not always in sink!!! Go figure.....

I would so LOVE to be able to just jump out of bed and get going!!Actually what I would really love to be able to do, is roll over and just hug my husband!!! You know how some mornings you just want to snuggle for awhile?????

I want a day full of energy!!!!!! A day where I feel alive.........

I am trying more protein in my diet. My friend Michelle swears it will help me with my tiredness. I have nothing to loose and everything to gain!!!

Speaking of gaining, that seems to be my theme lately. I am putting on weight at such a rate that the word obese is coming to mind. I can't seem to stop putting sweets in my mouth, actually food in general. I am trying to pop grapes in my mouth but have to remember they have calories too and are full of sugar. I am going to beat this!!!! I don't expect to get back to my pre 40 weight but I want to loose at least 20 pounds!!!! My extra weight has also got to affect my fibro......

Today I have made a "date" to meet up with a friend at the Y, that means I can do the tread mill or elliptical for 30 minutes. I am going to MAKE myself do it. I know I will feel better for it!!!
Wish me luck.........

Sunday, October 4, 2009

a busy weekend for me. some people would say it was a laid back one for them but for me it was pretty good.......i stayed busy for me. michelle and i had a table at the woman's breast cancer run, we had to be there at 6:30 am. needless to say, i didn't sleep the night before. jim and i went for a ride on the bike yesterday afternoon.

ok i gotta go.......can't keep my eyes open. will bog in the morning.
good night!!!!!

Thursday, October 1, 2009

i am laying here trying to decide whether to take a 10 minute cat nap or get in the shower????? we have a game tonight and have to be there by 7:30. Our last game and I really hope I play for at least a few innings, great butt and leg exercise!!!!

I could get up and fix supper but by the time I do that it will be time to leave so we will just eat after the game. Really I would just love to lay here but alas, I am not so gotta go!!!!!!

Feeling totally exhausted really sucks!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
the last couple of days my neck and shoulders have been killing me, you know that achy, burning feeling that just ruins how you feel. last night i was fighting a migraine which i am sure was from that. i am happy to say that all is gone. i can now lift my head up and not feel like my neck will break with one giant crack!!!!

yesterday was a very busy day and i was SOOOO tired. I had to go to bible study last night and it took everything for me to go. i made the mistake of laying down for a quick rest and almost didn't get up........i am so glad i did!!!!!!! we are studying James and we talked about some awesome things. Always talk to GOD!!!
the extent of my tiredness just blows me away sometimes. especially when i am really not doing so much. just staying busy for a few hours can burn me really sucks sometimes. i think about everything i used to do in a day loved it!!!! i would work like crazy and still go for a walk. i so miss that part of my day. I REALLY WISH I COULD GET BACK INTO THAT HABIT. Jim and i used to walk a good bit in our neighborhood and it is SO GOOD for stress.

My pain today is about a 7 out of 10....
last night at bible study for awhile it was about a 15 out of 10. i was sitting there thinking that no one knows how i am hurting! to look at me, you would never know it. in my mind i was having a little power talk with myself.....i don't wish this on anyone but have thought how i wish some people could live my life for a week. especially people that are on the go all the time...then lets sit down and talk about fibromyalgia!!!!!

gotta get going, things to do before i crash......haha