Friday, July 31, 2009

i think this is why i stopped blogging for awhile.....i got tired of saying the same thing over and over again! I feel like crap!!!!! I feel like my life is a vicious circle. Have some good days, some ok days, some really crappy days and then really really crappy days!!!
I wish I could just have my whole stomach cut out. I am laying here and I look like I am about 6 months pregnant. My stomach is just one giant burning pit!!! The pain is so bad that it wakes me up during the night. I roll over and the shooting pain wakes me. I woke up this morning and I felt like I had the flu from the waist up. The aches, it hurt to even touch parts of me....

It takes me about 2/3 hours to get moving and by that time, my day is almost over. I want to start getting up early!! I was getting up and going to the Y just over 3 weeks ago! I so loved that feeling. I know I will get through this feeling bad, it sucks until it does!!!

On the brighter note, have to get up and make myself move because I have things that need to get done: yard clean -up, clean downstairs, clean Jim's office, having friends over tonight. I have thought about cancelling but I am not going to have my life stop.

Jim, again I am so sorry that I have don't deserve having to deal with this!

One positive note, I am so proud of my step-son, Kyle. He is really a great photographer!!!

Thursday, July 30, 2009

Today turned out to be better than I thought it would....I got out of the house!!! It took me until about 3:00 to get going but I got out...YEA!!!!! I went to Wally world and the bank..Woo Hoo! Hey, it felt good to me!
Went with Jim and Kyle to get Kyles glasses tonight and to dinner. It was a really nice night.
Of course I am now sitting here trying to type and keep my eyes open.....
I am hoping that tomorrow is even better. I so hate days when I have no energy, can't move or don't care to move!
Well this is day 3 of me feeling like I have been beat up, legs and feet hurting and having no energy. Day 3 of having to make myself get up and do something......well the last 2 days I have gotten much of nothing done. But not today!!! I can't take it another day! I hate my life being on hold. That is the best way to explain it, my life on hold and my body slowly spreading....
After being gone for 2 weeks and pretty much having no excercise and eatting way to much food, coming home and being a "bed" junky is not cool! I feel even worse!! I had all intentions of coming home and jumping back into th Y........:( I am so over all this!!!!!
I had a great my daughter all ready for college, spent great time with my parents, had a whole week with just my husband!! I felt like Jim and I were on a mini honeymoon at times. We actually "walked" on the beach at night, which was so romantic!!!
€ what does this symbol mean???? Just a random question, it is on my keyboard and have never used it???
I think, no I know I will have all the laundry done today. I have been working on it since Monday. I do believe when I came home on Monday, that I saw the largest amount in my laundry basket!!! That is about all I have gotten done in 3 days, pretty sad, huh?
I can't wait to leave the much to do!! It is so overwhelming! I know I can get it done just hate that I can't do it like I want!! I have a list and instead of it going down, it seems to grow!
I see my friends doing their life and I want that back!!!! I am so tired of my legs hurting and having no one really understands!!! People see me doing things and they think I am o.k., when they don't really know what is going on in my head! I put on such a good face at times! But then there are the times when I just can't do it any more! This is one of those times and I am feeling so guilty for it!!
I have brought alot of stress to my marriage because of so many different ways too!
Well I am going to get going with my day.......
I am going to make it a good day......

Monday, July 6, 2009

I took my Oxycontin and my Lyrica a couple of hours ago.....I would hate to feel my pain level if I did not take it! Right now my legs are really hurting and that is with the pain medicine! My back is on fire as well as my arms........
Well goodnight and here is to trying to sleep!!!!!
wow talk about a busy day doing really nothing then that was my day! i made my abb class, yea!!!!!!!!! then went to ms virginia's house to clean, which is always clean to start with!! then to hobby lobby to look at beads.........michelle and i are really addicted!!
my legs held up until about 3:30 then i was ready to scream! right now my legs are about a 70 on a scale of 1-10 but as usual i am sucking it up. yesterday in church while singing, i couldn't stand my legs hurt pretty bad. i just sat there and rubbed my legs!!!!!
I thought I had figured out how to blog from my phone but I guess I didn"t! It is not on here!!! One more thing for me to figure out!!! I am so glad my husband is soooo tech savvy! Last week I made it to the Y 3 days. I did the spin class and was able to do the whole hour each toosh didn't like it at all!!! I am going back again this week....I really want to loose this weight!! I'm going to Wal-Mart today to look at gel seats!!!
I'm sitting here typing and trying so hard to stay awake!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It drives me nuts when this hits. I was wide awake about 10 minutes ago! I'll be back later...