Tuesday, September 29, 2009

I take my meds twice a day, I wish some days that I could take it 3 times a day. I don't but sometimes I wish I could. My pain gets so bad sometimes.........
First I take it when I wake up. Not always when I first get up because I have to get my body moving enough to get down and up the stairs. Those are the mornings I really really don't like......
I usually try not to take my 2nd set until at least 4:00/5:00. This will usually get me thru to bed. There are some days I wish I could take it before I go to bed, about 10:00ish.
I waste so much of my days sometimes just trying to get going.
Today was a pretty good day. My neck and shoulders are still hurting, I feel like I could snap at any minute. I mean snap in 2!!!
My feet and legs are another story. Just touching my feet makes me want to scream......
O.K. I am falling asleep and cannot keep my eyes open.....goodnight. I am typing with one eye open.....:)

Monday, September 28, 2009

I just got chastised by my father and feel like the most awful person in the world!!!! My blog yesterday did not come out the way I meant for it. So if you read it already and go back and read it again you will find a whole paragraph taken out.

Sunday, September 27, 2009

ok jim said that leatrice never said i was a bad wife.......she told me i was wrong for doing that......
Haven't blogged in awhile and all of a sudden I feel like writing. The last couple of days have been pretty emotional for Jim and I have not really been mentally into writing.

I think about all the things I have wrong with me and how strong I should be and how strong Jim is for me. I wonder, am I being strong enough for him? Does he realize that I would do anything in the world for him and that he is the most important thing in the world to me???? Anytime I have needed anything, Jim finds a way for me to have it......I am talking emotionally! Without Jim, I would never survive my day to day struggles......

Without Jim, I would not be as strong as I am....

Without Jim, I am not complete......

Jim has struggled with some emotionally charged personal issues since I met him (my troubled step daughter) He tries so hard to keep it all in and sometimes I wish he would talk to me more about it. He tries not to "burden" me with it. I am here for him!!!! I actually am a little jealous of Pam, Jim's ex wife because they share this "burden" ( yes, pam, i just said that....)
Jim is an awesome dad!!!!

Jim does so much for me during the week, I just cannot do like I used to. There are nights he cooks because I don't have the energy to. Or he will go get dinner, even when we can't afford it. He over looks the house when it is not perfect......

He is so wonderful.........

So after all that, my question again is......am I a bad wife?

Today has been a pretty good day for me. I have just got to learn that I cannot wait to long to take my medicine later in the day. Also I have got to work on my mornings. I would rather take a small break in my day then get a late start. Of course I also have to learn some days when to stop.

So far the lower dose of Lyrica is working well.
I am enjoying doing my workout with Melissa, I just really want to do the elliptical 3 days a week. I can't wait for the tv's to be hooked up. Even if they are not this week I am going to try.
Wish me luck.....I REALLY REALLY want to loose no less than 10 pounds before our trip in December.

Thursday, September 24, 2009

I just did something that I have not done in a long time.....talked to my parents on web cam! We used to do that a couple times a week, I so missed doing it.

I think I like this lower dose of Lyrica. I can't explain it, my head just feels clearer, lighter. I am sure there will be some smart remarks out there about that one. Believe me though, if you have fibro, you will completely understand!!! I am hoping that this is not just a good couple of days and that it is actually the lower dosage.......

Be back later........

Wednesday, September 23, 2009

Slept pretty ok last night, I would wake up when I moved because my stomach and arms were hurting. Also I had a cat sleeping between my legs.......
This morning when I got out of bed my feet where not as bad as they have been...yea!!!!
The rest of my body was not wanting to move though. I am so glad I didn't have to jump out of bed right away. My friend called to wake me up for our workout and I couldn't move.
Yesterday I started my 90 day workout and my eating habits will change. I worked my chest and back. Those parts of my body are actually feeling ok today, it is tomorrow when I will find out if I will hurt.

I am really worried about my cat. His sneezing and his snot have gotten really bad. I have got to take him to the vets. When you can here him coming because his breathing is so bad....My dog's leg is still bothering her but she doesn't complain. She will run around and play but she does favor her bad leg. Surgery is going to have to wait for awhile though. My cat really needs the vets though....I wipe his nose, try and clean. I wish I had one of those snot sucker outers to use on him. Of course I would have to get him to hold still long enough to use.

I am actually going to end here and go do some cleaning......My mind is feeling pretty clear today. I am falling asleep.....my eyes keep closing.

Tuesday, September 22, 2009

Why can't I get to bed early??? I have so let my sleeping habits get way out of control. When I do go to bed, I watch tv, play on the computer, talk to Jim, clean the bathroom, fold clothes, everything but go to sleep. It is driving my husband nuts. It drives me nuts because I want Jim to go to sleep earlier than 1:30 in the morning. I hate it that he is so tired when he gets up for work, it does affect his whole day. I go upstairs before him and always start on tasks.....I am going to vow to work on not tasking after 11:00 pm and also getting Jim to come up stairs before 11:30. I would love it if we could both go upstairs about 10:00.
There seems to be a few hours at night where I am doing pretty ok.......About a 5 on a scales of 1-10. I feel I need to take advantage of every moment I get!!!
Good sleep is so essential!!!! For BOTH of us!!!!!!!!!!!
Woke up 1 time last night to let Maggie out. I did good though, came right back up stairs and went right back to sleep. :)
I am just waiting for my meds to kick in and then I am getting started on my busy day. I started my lower dose of Lyrica last night. I was taking 150mg twice a day, now I am only taking 75mg twice a day, I am wanting to get off the Lyrica completely. I really don't like the side effects!!! I know I need to lose weight but the swelling in my ankles, wrists, fingers and other parts has got to go!!!!
When I woke up, my legs and feet were not wanting to cooperate....I really don't like our stairs in the morning. I am getting ready to stop blogging so I can get my day going.......

Monday, September 21, 2009

Woke up about 4:15 and was awake until about 6:00. Slept until about 7:20. Woke up with my hubby and stayed awake until about 8:30, then out like a light until 10:00am. I am actually feeling pretty good which is great because I have several things to do today.
The first is to go take my meds before my pain gets to bad!!!!! Grab a bite to eat then I am actually going to take a shower so I feel better to start my day.................

I'll let you know later today how my day goes........

Sunday, September 20, 2009

Ok so I fell into a deep sleep and awoke a much better person.....my pain was that bad!!!! I am amazed at the difference I feel. Of course my sleep was so deep......I couldn't move. My whole body was a dead weight, I hurt!!!! I have not hurt like that in awhile. I am hoping and praying that I have some energy when I wake up in the morning. I have so much to do........I'll let you know how I am in the morning.
I am laying here and the pain in my feet is almost unbearable!!! I am trying so hard to act like it is not there, I am not doing so well. The pain is an intense burning, along with 1000 tiny needles sticking me at the same time. I am so tired, the thought of even taking a step wears me out. The pain is running up my legs......
Friends of mine are getting sick with colds and such.....I have a hard time feeling bad for the, The aches, pains and tiredness they are feeling, well........welcome to my world!!! I feel like that all the time, even at my best!!!!
I am checking into Cymbalta for my pain. I am still taking Lyrica and I think the side effects are worse.........I know I am fat but the swelling does not help any. That is one of the biggest side effects I am dealing with. I know I need to stop eating.......
The past 3 mornings I have not been able to get out of bed because my lower back......it has hurt all the way to my toes. I make 1 sudden move and my whole body sceams...
I want the pain to stop!!!!!!!!!!!!!! NOW!!

Tuesday, September 15, 2009


Life is passing me by...as I lay here looking out my window, that is how I am feeling!!!!!! I say to myself, just get your ass (sorry) out of bed!!!!! So, why is it so damn hard to do??? Sorry for the fowl language, I am just not feeling it today!!!! I didn't wake up this morning until 10:00 and couldn't get up until about 11:00 to get my medicine. It is now 1:20 and I am finally starting to feel "normal". Lets see if I can explain how I woke up feeling.....my feet and legs felt like they weighed a ton, the tingling was a burning sensation. I have NO energy and no matter how much talking to myself I do, it is just not happening. I feel like I am not part of my life, when I am feeling like this. Then when my medicine kicks in I start to feel kinda like myself!!!!
I want to have the energy I used to have, be able to go all day!
Wake up and jump out of bed. Or wake up and be able to roll over and love on my hubby (nothing dirty) just be able to move with out hurting or feeling like I am 90 years old!!! I want my head to feel clear.......I don't feel like I am on drugs, just feel clear like it used to! It is really hard to explain. I want to be able to walk and run and not feel like it is a chore to do. I want to be able to bend over and shave my legs without my body feeling like it is going to snap in half.
I watch the Lyrica commercials and they make it look so easy! Just take this pill and you will be fine!!! It is not that easy......
For Jim's birthday, I want to give him the old me back!!! I pray for that everyday!!!
I love my hubby with all my heart. We are going to the Dominican Republic in December (our birthday, anniversary, and Christmas present to each other) I want to be able to give him the present of all presents. ME!!!!

Tuesday, September 8, 2009

Been a pretty bad day emotionally for me. I have snapped at Jim for no reason, he so didn't deserve it. When he came home from work, I was still in my workout clothes, sleeping in our bed. I never made it today, which is not like me I couldn't really move and evidently we had a short conversation about supper. I don't remember it :( I have also not unpacked our suitcase from this weekend yet.
My feet up to my knees are in so much pain. I really am beginning to not like the stairs in our house. I so want to get some new running/walking shoes. I never knew feet could hurt so mad for such an extended period of time. As in never stops!!!!!!!!!!!! Every kind of pain, burning, aching and stabbing
I just watched a Fibro commercial and the lady was all smiles and working. Talking about how her doctor prescribed her Lyrica and how her life was all better. I WISH IT WAS SO FREAKIN EASY!!!!! If I took just Lyrica I would scream!!
I am going to call and make an appointment with the pain doctor. I can't take my feet anymore!!!
Back to earlier......
I do remember him asking me about supper, I automatically got my hackles up. Feeling like he was questioning me because I hadn't done anything....like I was being lazy. I know that is not what he was doing, that is just not something he would do. I was just feeling pretty crappy as a wife.
Jim was just trying to help. It is not fair to him though to have to come home from work and worry about supper. He was willing to go buy something and we have perfectly good food here. We are trying to cut back on crazy spending and I hated that because of me Jim was wanting to spend money.
We had a ball game tonight, I was really hoping to play. I so enjoy it.......
My wonderful husband has surprised me with a trip to the Dominican Republic. We are going in December.....we are calling this our honeymoon! Our 5 year anniversary is in November! I would do it all over again!!
This has been very choppy but felt like typing!!!
I woke up this morning about 5:00 and decided I was up so why not clean. Cleaned the kitchen, cleaned out the fridge, cleaned my bathroom, cleaned out "clutter" from some of my drawers. Woke my lovable husband......I felt pretty good while doing all this.
After Jim left for work I came back to bed. I am trying to finish a book I started yesterday, really really good book. Well that didn't last to long, couldn't keep my eyes open so I have decided to blog for a minute. Of course I have been typing this for about an hour and this is as far as I have gotten.....I keep nodding off!!!!
My feet are on fire!!!! I hate going up and down our stairs. I am starting to be like my mom, I don't use the stairs unless I have to. (oops fell asleep again) My ankles are getting so painful....swollen too!!!
My hips today are really hurting too.....my fingers look like sausages and my knuckles, ouch!!!
I write this blog as a record for me....I want people to know what my life is like living with Fibro. How it affects everything I do, how much my life has changed, what I am thinking...
Fibro pain affects my life in so many ways, I don't want to upset my husband with what I am going to say but it is part of my life. I hurt so bad the other day I couldn't make love with my husband. I am sure some of you will say to much info, but I want everyone to know how bad it gets. Also it not only affects me!!! Jim is so awesome!!!
I was at Michael's the other day and saw that they were hiring and I thought for a few seconds, that would be cool to work there for the holidays, may be 1 or 2 days a week. Then I started to think, they would not want me to sit when I got tired, fall asleep while talking to someone, squat to stock and not be able to get up, not be able to climb a ladder, mess up counting money back because my memory sucks. So I thought against it!!!! Well, I might still try and see what happens. They take applications on line, I might take a look at it.
OK I am going to close my eyes for about 30 minutes. I am going to the pump class at 12:00 and I want my energy

Sunday, September 6, 2009

Today is a good day!! Except for being tired now....we did alot of walking on the beach. It was a very cloudy, sprinkly kind of day though. I was so depressed not getting any sun!! I loved loving on my hubby.....
My feet and legs are doing very well today!!!!

Thursday, September 3, 2009

Started out as a great morning! Actually out of bed by 9:00 and doing stuff around the house. Beautiful weather.... took Maggie for a walk. She did great at first but about 1/2 way, she decided she wanted to lay down and rest. So we rested for a few then continued. We walked then again she decided she wanted to rest, so we rested! She did really good though, I was very proud of her. Tonight when we walk her, we will see how she does!!!! We are building up her leg/knee and working on getting her girlish figure back. Like mama..........
I went to the Y and did my work out. I so sweat ed up a storm this time, it was a hard class. My feet were on fire, my ankles hurt!
Left the Y did 2 errands, came home and crashed!! My body did a complete burn out!! Woke up at 5:30......every bone ached in my body.
Getting ready for ball game and my feet are hurting on a scale of 1 - 10 an 8!!!! What is up with my feet!!!! My upper body if a 6.......I think I am the definition of....when the going gets tough, the tough get going!! Many days I don't want to go but I do!!!

Wednesday, September 2, 2009

All I can say is, 1000.00 needles going into my feet. That is what my feet felt like each time I got up this morning. ( 2:30, 4:40 and 8:48) Not just that, the tops of my feet feel like someone dropped a 20 pound weight on them and the pain has not stopped. Touch them and I scream!!!
My legs lately have been a whole different story......just pain!!!!
I am continuing to do my pump class, which I am loving. I huff and puff, I sweat and I feel great after I am done! I wish they had this class 4 days a week. They only have it 2/3 times. I am going to play around with another class, extreme tone. My goal is to do do a class 4/5 times a week. I can't wait for them to get the tv's hooked up to the elliptical machine. I really want to do this!!!!!!!!!!!!
Losing weight will help me in so many ways.......It will help my joints and I am hoping my feet!!!
I am going to walk my dog early today, good for both of us!!! I am hoping my feet are ok......