I write this blog for me and only me. It is a way for me to vent and say what I am thinking. I am sure most people would read this and think it is terrible but then again, I do it for me. Jim always says we should make this into a book...haha! People do not want to read someone being negative all the time. I know that fibro hits people differently...why did it have to knock the shit out of me? O wait, it didn't!!! I can't do that anymore...haha.
Some people with fibro take no meds, can exercise daily, continue to live their lives as though they just hit a small bump in the road. Me on the other hand.....no such luck!!!! Trust me I WANT TO BE POSITIVE, I WANT TO HAVE TO SUNNY DISPOSITION.....I HATE HAVING A BLACK CLOUD OVER MY HEAD!!!
I am soooo ready for spring, can you tell?? Me and cold weather do not do well!!
This has probably been one of the worst weeks for me in a long time, emotionally. I am going to write about somethings and as I do, remember....I am doing this for me!
I have always said how could anyone kill themselves? Nothing is that bad. What about your family? Tomorrow will be better...Think about your husband, children, their graduations, weddings, and grandchildren. I am actually closer to understanding how people can come to that point in their life! I have wanted to just let it all go this week...all it would take is one second and it would be over! I AM NOT GOING TO DO ANYTHING STUPID!! I HAVE WAY TO MUCH TO LIVE FOR!!! I AM SO IN LOVE WITH MY HUSBAND! I LOVE MY BEAUTIFUL DAUGHTER AND AM SO PROUD OF HER...SHE IS GOING TO BE A HUGE SUCCESS AT WHAT EVER SHE DOES WITH HER LIFE! KYLE WITH HIS BIG HEART....:) MY PARENTS WHO HAVE GIVEN SO MUCH FOR ME AND WILL NEVER KNOW HOW MUCH I LOVE THEM!!!
Now that I have said all that......back to being scared. I was very scared this week...for the thought to actually cross my mind. I actually thought about what could I take to make that happen?? To think that I could be pain free! My stomach would not hurt anymore, my body wouldn't hurt, I could wake up and my hips not be in agony, ( my stomach has not stopped hurting for 2 weeks straight, not 1 minute) My stomach felt good for about a week then about a month ago I went thru the same thing... I would feel normal, light on my feet and I don't mean from losing weight either. It is a wellness feeling.
The complete emptiness I felt this week.....
I am so tired of being tired and not feeling well!!! Then I think of people that are ALOT worse than I am. How do they do it???