I write this blog for me and only me. It is a way for me to vent and say what I am thinking. I am sure most people would read this and think it is terrible but then again, I do it for me. Jim always says we should make this into a book...haha! People do not want to read someone being negative all the time. I know that fibro hits people differently...why did it have to knock the shit out of me? O wait, it didn't!!! I can't do that anymore...haha.
Some people with fibro take no meds, can exercise daily, continue to live their lives as though they just hit a small bump in the road. Me on the other hand.....no such luck!!!! Trust me I WANT TO BE POSITIVE, I WANT TO HAVE TO SUNNY DISPOSITION.....I HATE HAVING A BLACK CLOUD OVER MY HEAD!!!
I am soooo ready for spring, can you tell?? Me and cold weather do not do well!!
This has probably been one of the worst weeks for me in a long time, emotionally. I am going to write about somethings and as I do, remember....I am doing this for me!
I have always said how could anyone kill themselves? Nothing is that bad. What about your family? Tomorrow will be better...Think about your husband, children, their graduations, weddings, and grandchildren. I am actually closer to understanding how people can come to that point in their life! I have wanted to just let it all go this week...all it would take is one second and it would be over! I AM NOT GOING TO DO ANYTHING STUPID!! I HAVE WAY TO MUCH TO LIVE FOR!!! I AM SO IN LOVE WITH MY HUSBAND! I LOVE MY BEAUTIFUL DAUGHTER AND AM SO PROUD OF HER...SHE IS GOING TO BE A HUGE SUCCESS AT WHAT EVER SHE DOES WITH HER LIFE! KYLE WITH HIS BIG HEART....:) MY PARENTS WHO HAVE GIVEN SO MUCH FOR ME AND WILL NEVER KNOW HOW MUCH I LOVE THEM!!!
Now that I have said all that......back to being scared. I was very scared this week...for the thought to actually cross my mind. I actually thought about what could I take to make that happen?? To think that I could be pain free! My stomach would not hurt anymore, my body wouldn't hurt, I could wake up and my hips not be in agony, ( my stomach has not stopped hurting for 2 weeks straight, not 1 minute) My stomach felt good for about a week then about a month ago I went thru the same thing... I would feel normal, light on my feet and I don't mean from losing weight either. It is a wellness feeling.
The complete emptiness I felt this week.....
I am so tired of being tired and not feeling well!!! Then I think of people that are ALOT worse than I am. How do they do it???
they do it becuase thewy know they are Loved and I LOVE YOU,
ReplyDeleteI will have to agree with Jim. He nailed it. They know they are loved and it is clear that he loves you.
ReplyDeleteKnow in scripture is Yada. It means to know by experience. Not just in your head but know by your heart, your senses, your emotion, your sight, you personal experience. Do you know("yada") that people love you? I sure hope you do!!!!! You have Jim, Alex,Kyle, your parents, Jim parents and family and no tellin's how many others. Keep your eyes focused on Him. HE WILL SEE YOU THROUGH!!!!! I PROMISE!!!!! (speaking from experience here!!!)
Love You Lady,
Pam
It might be over in a minute, but light always follows darkness . . . It could be better tomorrow ... it could not ... but you would never know.
ReplyDeleteMy husband suffers from fibro, and I understand the darkness you battle. It's a constant struggle, and all I can say is do your best and look for the good parts. Take it one day at a time. You can do it!
ReplyDeleteI understand the black hole. I'm probably your neighbor. The Fibro has kicked my fanny and now I've got the financial crap as well. I do understand.
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