It is but is not, funny how one minute a person can be in a pretty good mood and the next be completely in the dumps.
I woke up this morning with major pain in my hips. This is the first time in a couple of weeks I have felt that and it really sucks. I had to reach over and grab Jim's hand just to be able to move. My knees feel like a 1000 hot pokers are in them. My neck and shoulders were and are so tight and ache so bad that I wish I could just pop them off!! And my meds have kicked in already .....
Since starting my new medicine at night, my mornings have been better, as far as not feeling like a MAC truck ran over me when I wake. Well, this morning I had that feeling again and I hate it!!
I had to come back to bed this morning, which I hate to do!! I fell asleep again which I hate to do!! I could not stay awake!!! It is a waste of my day and I can do nothing about it!!! I hate it!!!
So then I woke and started to feel good. I called a friend to get some information and then my mood changed to feeling like I am worth nothing and I am such a burden to my husband and family. My friend, who really does not have to work, has gone from not working for years to all of a sudden working 5 days a week. She is also doing activities for her sons school. She is also doing a few things with me 3 times a month.
I hate feeling useless!!!! I used to be that person on the go!!!!!!!
I feel like a complete loser!!!! I am back to this.....I have been having a few good days so I want to work then today happens and slaps me! Yesterday was pre warning to this morning, I actually saw it coming, just didn't want to think about it!
I know I cannot work at this time in my life and that is so hard for me to accept. The burden it has caused on my family has such long term effects. We are working on turning everything around and everything will be OK!!
I am excited for this summer.....we are having a mini reunion in Myrtle Beach with some friends that I went to school with in the mid 70's. I am sure we will all look the same...:)