Friday, February 19, 2010

Reality Check

Just when I start to think that maybe I have this Fibro beat, it comes right back! What was I thinking??? I had a couple 1/2 way good days and I start to think I can do everything again. My life is going to go back to normal (even though in the back of my mind I REALLY new better) I was having little talks with myself. Going back and forth with....don't overdo it or i feel pretty good, i can do it!!!

I mean I knew I didn't have this beat, I would still have small bits of pain and get kinda tired in the afternoon but I could function and it felt so good. I KNOW THERE IS NO CURE FOR FIBRO/CFS and THAT I WILL NEVER GET BETTER!! What was I thinking???? It is just so frustrating to have a few good days after so many months of pure hell and then have it start to creep back.....I woke yesterday with major hip pain, and just that feeling of crud and it sucked getting up out of bed to let Maggie out. my head hurt, my neck and shoulders were so achy and sore I was wanting to scream....

yesterday was a rough morning. my afternoon was not to bad. I was able to some things. Like take Maggie for a walk in the park, her first one in over a week!! :) I admit I do it for her but at the same time it is just as much for me. I love walking!! It is one of my favorite things to do! If someone was to ask me what a perfect day would would be to go for a nice long walk in the park, have a picnic then walk some more!! Just enjoying life, relaxing! When I am up for it, it is the best thing in the world!!! I made it to the Y, which is a good thing because I soooo didn't want to do cardio. But I have lost 5 pounds and that motivates me!! Only 25 more to go. I know it is going to be a long road but I am in it for the long run....I know that the weight loss will also help me feel better too:)

This morning I was woken up with my usual stomach hip pains...when i had to get out of bed, my chest had the usual pressure and my legs and knees hurt. In other words, I felts like crap!!! O gee there is a Lyrica commercial on....haha it is such a joke!!! they make it seem like all you have to do is take 1 pill and you will be 100% ok...yea, right!!!

I was feeling sorry for myself yesterday...I know what is new right? I am so worried about what people think about me. People looking at me on the outside and thinking, why doesn't she work?
They are having all these problems why doesn't she do something to help instead of complaining? Well anyone that really new me before I got sick, knows that I used to be a go getter. I never stopped. I worked all the time. I loved being around people. I loved laughing. I loved having people come to our house and having cook outs. Why in my right mind would I willingly give all that up???? I didn't!!! Just remember that when you look at me or decide to talk about me behind my back!!!!
She can go to the gym? She can do this and that? But what they don't see is what I can't do.......
I know I should not care what other people think!!! How do you do that??? I know that I should only care about what Jim thinks.....I know Jim loves me!!!!!

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