Today is one of those days that I don't like myself. I don't like what this disease has done to my personality....dealing with the pain day in and day out. Holding it in and not showing the pain Everyone says to be positive, show your sunny side....don't talk negative. People get tired of hearing about the negative. You will have a better day if you have a positive outlook on life....
How can I be positive when I am always letting the one I love down? The pain makes me want to isolate myself somedays and trying to explain that to someone you love is very hard. Not being able to show affection some days because you hurt and have become so numb to everything is not fair to my husband. He doesn't understand and no matter how many times I try and explain it doesn't help him. All he feels is the hurt and nothing can get past that.....
There are times I wish I could just go live the rest of my life by myself then I wouldn't have to risk hurting anyone!! Having fibro is not something I chose to have! I am trying the best I can to live as "normal" a life as I can with it. It is the hardest thing I have ever had to do.....it tires me out mores than anyone will ever know. Just to smile sometimes when I really don't want to or when my stomach is in such pain that I want to just roll over an die but I can't so I just smile. Doing that day in and day out really tires you out!!! Physically and mentally.....
In doing all that I don't give the one person the one thing he needs and wants and....I just want to scream because of it!!! It is the one thing I want to give of myself and fibro robs me of everything that I am just trying to survive the day!!!!
This past week has been a hard week for me.....getting started has been taking me longer than I like and that has got to stop!!!! I would much rather be busy in the mornings and go to bed at a "normal" time. I have been falling asleep around 1:00 am lately. I do not like that!!!!!!
Last night when I fell asleep I felt as though I was on a bed acid trip for a few minutes. It really scared me for a bit....
Went to my new pain doctor yesterday ( 2nd visit) and I am starting to like him. He had more of a personality. Really took the time to listen to me...we talked about my right wrist, my back and getting some injections.....yea!! He gave me a prescription to try for IBS, I am kinda nervous about trying it since I googled it and the first thing that popped up was about a court case...
I really think I am going to like him.....
Off to the Y.....
I understand your feelings so well. It's great that you have a doctor who understands. Not all are that fortunate.
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