I hope and pray that 2010 is a better year for me and Jim. I mean we had a great year for the 2 of us. We are very close and I still say he is my soul mate...I truly believe the good LORD put him in my life!!! God new that I could not get thru these really rough years without him.
I am always telling him that I am sorry our life has taken the turns that it has, he didn't sign up for all this crap.....but God new I would need him :)
I could go on and on about how wonderful he is....now don't get me wrong, he can make me madder than anyone else can, aggravate me to no ends, but I love him with every ounce of my being!!
That is why I feel so bad when we cannot do things because I am in so much pain. We had plans tonight to bring in the new year with friends. That is not happening...I went out for a couple hours and all of a sudden my body crashed on me. I went to the bank and grocery store ( I don't know how I made it thru the store. I felt like I had the worst flu ever and my body was crashing) The drive home took everything I had. Came in the house, set the bags down, layed on the couch, Jim covered me up and I slept like a baby!!
I am in soooo much pain and to top it off, my throat is killing me.....what a way to bring in the new year, huh? I am so sorry Jim....I love you!!!

With all the crap we deal with, we have each other!!

It really makes me so mad!!! Why even bother making plans??/ I never know how I am going to feel from moment to moment.....it is not fair to Jim!! Jim is so loving and patient with me. I am so sorry.

Right now my feet feel as though every bone is them is broken, my hips are burning, my body feels as though it weighs a ton. ( not from being fat either, that is another subject) I have not energy...... I am getting all my complaining out before the new year starts..haha. I am not saying I won't complain in 2010, just call it something else.......therapy! I usually feel better mentally after typing...

Kyle and Amber are on there way back home and should be back by 11:30...yea!!
Oops gotta go, we are going to watch a movie.

Good night

I am laying here dreading getting up in the morning...My legs hurt and my hips are one giant pain!!! I have to be somewhere at 10:00 and really don't want to do it....but I will because I am going to be paid a couple dollars!!! Have a very busy busy day and would much rather not do any of it.
After I am done making a few dollars then I have to come home, make homemade apple sauce, green bean casserole and maybe some scalloped potatoes. Why you ask???? Before Christmas we were supposed to have a dinner with our small group from church and had to cancel due to the snow. Snow was good though....well we are having our dinner tomorrow now. Eat some food, spend time with friends, play some games and then be home before midnight. Would like to be home by 10:30ish. Have a small toast with my hubby, then bed!!!
OK I'm falling asleep again so good night :)

My husband is such an amazing man!! He so loves me and supports me in everything I do. To have that kind of support is priceless!! I have had some very emotional days and was so tired (still am) but a weight has been lifted off my heart and chest. Well actually just my chest because my heart still hurts and will take a while to heal!! Family can really mess with you.....do people apologize because they really mean it, or do they apologize to get you to be quite?? Do people apologize and really know why they are apologizing?? How do you know if someone is truly sorry??? I guess that would be where trust comes in....

Had a really good walk with Melissa today and all the dogs. We went to Battleground park and walked the trials through the woods...such good therapy It was nice and cold too!!!! Maggie was so excited , she kept wanting to play with the wiener dogs. It is so funny to watch this big boxer try to "box" the little dogs. They love to play with Maggie.....I need to get Maggie a real sweater to wear. I made her one out of an old piece of fabric but it is starting to fall apart. Bless her heart, she wears it and just keeps on going. I really need to walk her like that more ofter. We walked for about and hour and let me tell you, I got an upper body work out!! She is sooo strong!! Of course we are all laying on the bed now. I feel like every bone in my foot is broken....

I am so thankful to who ever invented the crockpot!! Supper is ready....:)

I am also looking forward to March 6th at 2:00....we are going to the Carolina Theatre to see Menopause the Musical! A bunch of fun ladies out for a good laugh. I will be well rested for that, not taken any chances.

I have a doctors appointment next week. My pain meds either have to be raised to a higher dosage or I want to switch. I am checking into Tramadol instead of the Lyrica. I am taking my meds twice a day and that used to be ok but now when I go to bed I am in so much pain......alot of times I will get busy doing something because the thought of laying down just does not sit well with me. Moving actually helps the pain in my legs. I mean the pain can be unbearable but moving is better than laying there and feeling it. My legs, feet and hips are so bad lately.
I get so sick of seeing the Lyrica commercials. They make it look like you can take one pill and all will be ok. BULL CRAP.....I am going to be writing them a letter. Won't do any good but will make me feel better...haha. There is so much more to fibro than most people know about!!

Wow, it is going to be cold....freezing rains for tonight, maybe!!! The low's for this weekend is going to be in the teens...time for some nice fires!!! Gotta bring some wood into the garage before the rain.

I am so looking forward to 2010...it is going to be a good year. I just keep remembering "Life is Hard, GOD is Good"!!!!!

Why does family have to be so stressful??? Why is that family can hurt you to the core because they don't want to understand how bad you are hurting over something? They want to try and tell you that something is not as it seems when actually it is exactly how you see it!!! Why is it that family will try and defend another family member because they don't want to upset that person, when actually you are hurting inside!! I don't mean to sound like they should take sides but when one person does wrong to the other, the person who was done wrong to, should not have to always suck it up and act like it didn't happen just to always keep peace. Eventually that person wants to quit coming around because they are tired of trying to keep the peace and be the better person. The really sad part is that I was so excited for my parents......and I don't really need the extra stress!! Stress is one of the biggest factors in my fibro flaring up. I hate to stay away....
The icing on the cake for me has to do with a Christmas card, a cd and the lack of respect for my husband and me. I know why some families don't talk for years. Some family members should grow cahoona's (sp)........family can be so oblivious or just really not care what they do!! It is a shame too because when it is all said and done, family is all you have. I mean real family not outsiders so to speak!!!
I have way to much stress in my life right now and so do not need more. I probably should not vent on here but this is my page and I need to to vent!!! I have been keeping so much in lately and will continue to do so but this I needed to say. I know everyone has family issue's but when you are really hurting it is no fun!!!
Like I said, stress really hurts me in soooo many ways!!!!!

I just wish I could run away and never be found..(Jim with me)
Having fibro really sucks....it is not the all consuming pain, it is not the loss of a social life, it is not my irritability, it is not the ability to fall asleep in a quick second, IT IS the stress of everything else that I hate the most!!! Stress is one of the worst things for fibro, it can really bring on a flare and I just can't seem to get away from the stress!!!

I have never gone into a complete depression ( have come close) but I see how easy it could be done. Want to lock myself in a room and never come out...shut everyone in your life out...go to bed and never get up....Why can't I just give all this to GOD?? I don't want this!!! I can't get it off my mind, it won't go away! I am sooo tired of thinking about it!! I am so tired of acting like I am o.k.....I am so tired of not feeling!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I am going to take care of it today!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Why is it the more you want to lose weight, the more you eat??? I have got to break this cycle or I will be as big as a house pretty soon!!!
My real problem is I need to be more active, exercise!! I have been being busier than normal. Not staying in bed all day, doing errands, being on my feet. This does not count as exercise though, does it?? My mind wants to do about an hour of exercise every day but my body says, heck no way!!! I have got to find a way to get the 2 things on the same path. The swelling from Lyrica doesn't help either!!!
I know alot right now is also do from stress!! I honestly don't know how much more stress my body can take...it is wearing me down fast. Looking at me from the outside, I look like I am doing fine, have it all together and on the inside I am a total mess!!! I cry at the drop of a hat!!! I am getting really good at faking it to the outside world....:(

On a good note, Jim and I are going to my parents house for Christmas. I cannot wait, this is the first time in 5 years....yea! I love my parents, I am so blessed! It is going to be a great time!!!

Last night was a bad night of sleeping. My legs and hips would not let me get comfortable. I am sitting here typing and the whole time, my hips are on fire and hurt!!! My arms feel like they want to fall off.....but alas...I will suck it up and go do what I have to do!! Which is, what I don't remember!!!

Didn't fall asleep until about 2:00 and woke up about 6:00 beacuase of the pain in my left hip and my feet. My left hip is killing me!!!! In everything I am doing or thinking, my pain is there.....!!!!
I can be talking to someone and my pain is on my mind, I am thinking about it......non stop!!

My pain is awful!!!!!!!!!!!!!!