water

All I have to really say is drink lots of water.....it is so hard to keep a normal schedule when your mom is in the hospital and I have been trying but doing a lousy job of it! I am going to walk on the tread mill though as soon as I am done typing this!!

Eating right is such a huge deal for me and I have really been wanting to do just that but again being out of town, mom in the hospital, staying in a hotel it is harder than I thought. Why, STRESS is the #1 reason!!!! But my mom is doing ok and will be able to walk soon with no pain so it will be all worth it!! So what am I complaining about???

I just hate that I feel like crap!!!! But I am not saying anything to my parents, that is what I have my blog for....to vent!!! OOPS, except I know my dad will read this one day.....I love you daddy and would do anything in the world for you and mom!!!!

Well gotta go get ready, I want to see my mom....:)

DRINK WATER...

mornings

I waste so much of my day just trying to get going!! I wake up and feel worse than when I went to bed....my body feels as though it has been through the ringer!!! I am not being lazy!!! It is not just a matter of...get up, get going!!! I wish it was that easy!!!!
What really makes me mad and actually sick to my stomach is I have so much to do today!! I have to get going and I am still laying here. My body is a dead weight!!!!
People don't see this part of my life.....

When I get back from Charleston I am getting back to a early bedtime. I have been going to bed later and of course I am not sleeping well so the 2 together are not good for me. I wake several times a night either because my stomach is bothering me, my hips are hurting me, my shoulders are hurting or I am just awake....O the joys of fibro!!! Usually when Jim wakes in the morning I am awake enough to stay awake and talk to him. The past week I can't even lift my head when he gets up.....

OK so enough of that......I am setting a goal here to lose 9 pounds in a month!! I don't honestly think I will do it but I am going to try!!!!! I know how hard it will be and am willing to try!!!!! Wish me luck...:)
Just fell asleep for a few minutes....

It is raining, so much for walking outside today!! I have to go to the Y!!!! I have not been the best about that lately because...walking outside is much more fun!!! I am taking my hand weights with me to the hotel and my workout tape ...I have the best intentions!!!

I am going to try and take on my day...I am taking my laptop with me so I will be blogging while my mom is in the hospital. PLEASE INCLUDE MY MOM IN YOUR PRAYERS...AND MY DAD TOO!

What did I eat???

I am going to weigh less than my goal weight if my stomach problems continue like this....


For about a week or so my stomach has been feeling pretty good!!! Yea, I had almost forgot what that felt like!! I mean as far as my IBS goes, it has gotten a little better. I have really been increasing the amount of fiber I eat. Plus I am taking fiber tabs daily and using Miralax 2 times daily. (trust me, you can put this in water and you really cannot tell it is in there. ) I was putting it in juice but don't need/want the extra calories.



I am back to my stomach hurting and being all bloated!!! I have eaten something within the past week that is just killing me!! The bad part is, it could be something from several days ago and just catching up to me or something from today. But then that would mean it is several things because it has been hurting everyday for about a week. I do know that I am going to stop eating broccoli with a veggie dip, kraft barb q sauce....that is the only thing I can think of that has been really different. I did have maybe 2 bites of KFC fried chicken a week ago today. I just had to taste it but as soon as I started eating it I knew I would regret it!! But that was a week ago. I really think today is from the barb q sauce! I feel as though someone has taken a bike pump and "pumped" me up!! It is no fun and it hurts and it is going no where. I am so tired and really need to walk but so don't want to!! But I know I need to....it would probably help!!!

I find it interesting how my stomach is really bothering me and I am feeling like poopoo!! I am tired, my legs are hurting, my feet hurt....let's put it this way...I don't want to do yard work!!!

That should tell you how bad I am feeling. I love doing yard work, it is my way of distressing and I just love making things look pretty. I always want to do yard work, even if it is just sweeping off the sidewalk....not today though..

Jim and I got to watch a beautiful red cardinal take a bath yesterday while the sprinkler was on....it was GOD at work....we hated when it left...

Just tried eating supper and didn't eat very much because I just don't want to eat alot....I feel like I am about 7 months prego...it was really good though. Jim really liked it which makes me very happy!! He ate a whole plate.......The only good thing is that with me losing 16/17 pounds it helps me not feel as bad as I did with the bloating as I did when the weight was on me. Does that makes sense??? I really want to lose 9 more pounds before we go to Puerto Rico in June. My goal is to loose a total of 15 more pounds!! I know it is going to be hard but I really want to do it!!! What does help is having Jim's support..:)
I am going to be walking 3 miles in the morning, at least I hope I can and will be!!! That would be a great start to my day, help my stomach and get me going....Fibro can and does rule my days!!! I hate to make plans because I hate to brake them.

The past week my mornings have been so fibro mornings!! Waking up to every nerve in my body hurting...I hate to move!! It is like I wake up but it takes me about 2/3 hours to actually become functional. I had about 2 weeks that were pretty good and them BAM!! I HAVE THIS FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE, THERE IS NO CURE!! I WILL BE IN PAIN FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE....I MAY HAVE A FEW GOOD DAYS AND MANY BAD DAYS!! MY LIFE HAS BEEN CHANGED FOREVER...

Tonight my husband made a comment about how I don't like to have fun like I used too, another thing that fibro has taken from me. I don't like ice cold hands on me, my body really doesn't like cold..:( He really wasn't meaning to be ugly, he was playing around but it did hurt)

I am in alot of pain and have pretty much done much of nothing today...with all this said, please say a prayer for my mom. This Wednesday my mom is going into MUSC in Charleston SC for hip replacement surgery. My mother has a few medical problems and I know that everything will be ok but I still would like to know everyone is praying for her. Can never have to any angels....My wish is that my mom will have this surgery and be able to walk without pain!!
I complain about pain and how I am feeling and my mom hardly ever complains. I wish I could be more like her...my wish is for her to be pain free!!! I love my mom!!!!!

Ok I have rambled again and am now done....

Happy Mothers Day

Happy Mothers Day to all my friends that are mothers!!!! It is one of the hardest if not hardest jobs ever and one of the most under rated jobs there is. When we are little we take our own mothers for granted and the when we grow up we wonder how did they ever do it all???



My own mother and I had some very very rocky years and I thank the good Lord above for how close we are now! I have learned so much from her and am so much like her it can be scary some days.....my mom loves to garden, I love to garden, my mom loves to craft, I love to craft! I mean for years growing up all I ever knew was fabric and fabric stores. My mom can sew just about anything if not she will figure it out. For goodness sake before I got sick I managed a JO-ANN Fabric and Craft store. Me, that is the last place I thought I would ever work! I knew nothing about fabric!!! Trust me I learned!! (they hired me because I can manage, 15 years as a district manager) What is really scary......I liked working there. I learned about crafts I had never heard of, fabric I loved and made a friend for life!! MaryEllen is a very special lady who saw me through some really bad days and is just a good friend!!

I understand my mom soooo much more now....I love you MOM!!!!



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This morning I woke up remembering that I have Fibro! I felt like the tv commercial say I should except it was alot worse. I had to make myself get out of bed and practically stumble down the stairs to get my meds and juice. I really wanted to go to church or I would have stayed in bed!! Anytime I want to go anywhere early in the day, I have to get up at least 2/3 hours early to take my meds. Then I hope they work enough for me to function. Like right now, took them this afternoon but am feeling like a vegetable and the only part of my body that I am moving is my fingers. Everything else just kinda wants to sit there!!! I feel like every nerve in my body is on fire and in pain. After church, Jim dropped me off and he took his mom to lunch. I stayed home and layed down...:)
Church service was great today....
I am skipping around here...
That is how my brain works anymore...I can't stand loud noises. I can't spell worth a darn. I used to be able to spell really well and now I would say that I have to check at least several words a day. It is so frustrating!!! Fibro is not only taking my body but my mind as well.....my speech the past several weeks has gotten alot worse. I am slurring really bad some days and can't get words out. It is so frustrating, My words run all over themselves......it actually worries me some days!!!

Tired.........

Anyway, waking up is no fun!! My body feels like it belongs to someone else...it was really frustrating at the beach with our friends, they see me and they think I am fine. Just because on the outside I look o.k.. I could walk around with this sour look on my face and show how much pain I am in but I am so tired of doing that. I just hate that some of my friends don't understand. I know I shouldn't let it bother me or care what other people think but I do. I am on disability and am not proud of it but I do know that I need it!!!!!! If I could work I would!! If I could have more than a couple good days in a row I would happily work!!! The weather is warmer so that is on my side right now and does help a little :) .....when the weather is cold, rainy, damp, humid forget it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! My body just wants to shut down!! I hurt so bad but am getting so good at not showing it to the outside world. Or it could be because I stopped going into the outside world so much....

Just felt like rambling....

I love my daughter and I thank GOD for allowing me the privalge of being her mom!!! I am so proud of her.....
Thanks to my hubby for making this a special day....

Good days vs Bad days

This past weekend was a pretty good weekend for me, YEA!! It was kinda sad though....It was our bike weekend and I didn't ride the bike down with my husband. This is the first year I did not ride down, me and my friend Melissa drove down a couple days early. That part was nice because I got to get a few extra days of sun and got to spend some one on one girl time. I can ride the bike for short distances but on anything over 30/45 minutes I fall asleep and I start to really hurt. This breaks my heart because this is one thing that Jim and I love to do together. Our first so called date was on the Harley....we have many happy memories on the bike!!!!

Jim and I have had some pretty tough financial times since this thing called fibromyalgia decided to take over my body. We have had to give up alot and several times he has said he would sale the Harley and I have ALWAYS said NO!! Being able to get on the bike and just ride, there is no way to explain what it does for the soul!! Plus my husband looks so freaking sexy on the bike and in his leathers!! :) Being able to ride the Harley is the best therapy!!! The feeling of the wind and the sun...being able to hold onto my husband. Having him reach down and rub my leg or just wrap his arm around my leg in a possessive way....I may not be able to ride long distances but I can still ride!!!!

I don't care what any doctors say....the weather does make a difference to a person with fibro!!! This past weekend the sun was shining and it was nice and warm, I was feeling pretty good. I woke up extra early ( 5ish) so I could take my meds and that way when everyone else was waking up I would be able to get around. The afternoons I would get tired and want to take a nap, a couple of days my neck, shoulders and feet hurt but I was able to get thru it! The really cool part is.......my IBS was not a problem!!!!! In fact my stomach was wonderful and I was very regular!!!!!! The best it has been in over a year!! ( of course since I have been back home, it is out of whack again)

Got home and the weather on Monday was cloudy and rainy. I felt like crap! I hurt, I wanted to stay in bed ALL day!! It took me all day to just the simplest things......

We need to retire to the beach :)

feeling the pressure - type A personality

First let me say...anyone that says that the weather does not play a part in how we feel is full of crap...( wait, that's me, hahaha) anyway, yesterday morning the weather was yucky and I felt it!!! Really bad 1/2 of my day!!!

I am feeling the pressure and hate that I am still this way...what am I talking about?? My type A personality!!

I am going out of town tomorrow for the rest of the week for our bike week at the beach...for those that don't know me what I mean it is Harley week not a bicycle week. My dear friends have a beach house at Emerald Isle and me and one other friend are going down 1 day early to get things ready. In a way that sucks because I won't be riding the bike down with my husband....this will be the first! The last time we rode down I kept falling asleep and the thought of me falling off while he is going at fast rate of speed is not something I want to do!! In a way this will be good because me and Melissa can carry everything down, get the house ready and have a night to just relax....:) I WILL BE RIDING ONCE WE ARE AT THE BEACH!

Back to the stressed part....I have 1 day to get sooooo much done before I leave. clean the house, wash clothes, pack my stuff and Jim's, work in the yard, work on my to do list......I feel so tense....I know I should not be blogging but I gave myself until 9:00 to get this done and then I am off to ironing....not a day to let my pain get in the way. I thank you GOD for this morning not being like yesterday morning and afternoon. If it was I would be crying my eyes out and getting NOTHING done!

This morning I was talking to my husband about how fibro makes your body feel...every nerve in your body hurts! I never knew my feet and calves could hurt so bad... It is always fun being out of town with friends and having them see me get up every morning, especially if it is a BAD morning!! Of course I will be at the beach which means I will hopefully have some good days.

Well it is 9:00 gotta go start my day.....of course I say all this and if I get 1 thing done then I am doing good. That is where the stress part really comes in.....having all this stuff I want to get done and knowing that I won't get even a small portion of it done! That is the wonderful world of fibro and cfs!!! I could be fine right now and in 10 minutes laying down because I can't even walk across my bedroom....the story of my life!

But....I am going to enjoy the beach!!! I can just lay there and soak up the sun...:)

Just some more random babbling

It has been awhile since I have felt like blogging so this might be a little long winded.
First I need to say again how wonderful my husband is.....things have been a little stressed and crazy here at our house, I know what is new? But no matter what is going on in our lives when it comes to me being "in alot of pain" or "feeling really bad", Jim always puts me first. We can be at odds with each other and the world around us but he ALWAYS makes sure I am ok. Every wife if they are completely honest has things they want to change about their husbands, things the don't like, things they complain about, nag about and yes I do ALL those things!! Then I take a step back and I thank GOD for giving me a man that truly loves me....!!!! ok my husband just came to check on me...how sweet and loving but then had to burb after eating garlic guacamole!!!

I just wanted to be able to go to church this morning and be on time. As it was I had to wait until 10 for CVS to open because I had run out of one of my meds and of all mornings to need it, this was one of those mornings. This morning I knew I had fibromyalgia, I woke in a full flare and no amount of being positive, exercise, eating right was going to help. The only thing that was going to help me was medicine!! My mother, who I love and have an awesome relationship with takes I would say at least 20 pills a day, ( I could be off a few but I am close) anyway I always said I didn't want to take alot of pills and sure enough I am up to 12 already. Now keep in mind, I am a person that had a hard time taking my birth control pills because I couldn't swallow them and most women know they are very tiny!! Thank goodness for the patch and IUD...:) Well I made it to church, not looking to good mind you. Rough looking would be putting it mildly and nicely...I had to leave after about 20 minutes, just couldn't do it. I hated to drive home but the thought of sitting there was worse. I love listening to GODS word but I wasn't really hearing it because I hurt and just wanted to curl up and sleep.

Now to the TV commercials...first let me say some have gotten a little better and I mean only a tiny tiny bit better about talking about fibro. Anyway, this morning I was thinking they should use me and they way I look and feel for a real look at how a person with fibro really feels and looks....not working in a dress shop or a bakery.....If my fibro made me feel the way the ladies look in the commercials then maybe I could be more positive......

Ever have a haircut that affects your whole life? Usually it is when you are a child right? A bad perm, a bowl cut??? Not when you are 46 years old.....right??
Well I now considering going super short or just wearing my hair in a messy very short ponytail for the next 6 months!!! Messy ponytail because the layers will only allow that....super short because my hair is so screwed up!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Not what I wanted....I have NO idea what to do with my hair....talk about feeling ugly!! I am going to call my hairdresser and figure this out...I love her to pieces as a person but right now I am just not happy! She is really good at what she does, I don't know where her brain was????? There will be NO pictures of me for awhile....

Still working on this IBS thingy....I do believe that my stomach problems are tied into some of my problems and losing weight could be an extra benefit!!! I am now going no candy...unless it is sugar free!!! My sugar intake has been cut down in half this past month and I don't know the last time I had a soda was. I am going to really be watching MSG...that is going to be a hard one since it is in so much. Wish me luck...

MAY 12 IS NATIONAL FIBROMYALGIA DAY.....

What drives me nuts....yesterday I was able to get up at the crack of dawn and go to an estate sale. I woke up feeling tired, and somewhat achy but it was a complete 360 of this morning! I never know from day to day how I am going to feel...

My life in a nut shell....I just had to call a friend and she new I had left church early. Well she asked how I was feeling and I said well, I am alive so that is a good thing. And then she chuckled and said is it the fibro, ibs, bladder or your back? She was by NO means being ugly!! I was laughing with her...It is amazing how many things are tied into this life changing disease called Fibro.....It is not just 1 thing but at least a handful!!! That is another reason for my taking so many pills.....so many different things!! I hate being in pain, my legs, feet, back, neck, shoulders, my stomach. I used to be such a happy person, loved to do things, go places....now I am such a home body!!

I use to never leave the house without makeup, my hair being done, dressed right now I am lucky if I am not wearing workout clothes when I leave the house. I use to feel so good about my looks!!! I want to feel pretty again!!!!

Ok I am now falling asleep and am getting hungry....wish me luck, I am going in search of something to eat that my stomach can handle...I hope!