Tuesday, February 7, 2012

Good news.......

I am happy to report that Social Security has seen fit to continue my disability......:) with the right to come back and review my case again??? I am very happy, relieved and yet sad at the same time. I NEVER thought in a million years I would be this person I have become.
I was on fb last night and was talking to a young lady that used to work with me when I was a district manager for Claires. I started thinking about the old me and how much fibro has changed me. I have really been missing the old me alot lately!!! I was a district manager for 15 years, I worked hard, I worked alot and I was good! I can honestly say I had some of the best managers thru the years and was proud to see them grow....I worked along side some of the best district mgrs and some of my best friends.....I will love them forever!!!

This past weekend I woke up and just wanted to role over and snuggle with my hubby but my body was not cooperating with me......as usual! I am sooooooo tired of waking up and it taking me about 2 hrs to get my body and my mind going. There is a commercial on tv and it shows this couple and they are eating breakfast in bed and they look at the alarm clock and they playfully roll around in the bed....every time I see that I think about when I was healthy and Jim and I would wake up and start our day with laughter and smiles too! I sooo miss the old me and I know Jim does as well!!! When I wake up it takes me about 2 hours max to become at least some what human..:(
Then once I am human it can take me a bit longer to get going...I move so slow these days, my body movements are slow and I HATE IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Anyone that knew me 8 plus years ago knows that I could run circles around anyone and I could look good doing it...haha!

Sooooo I am going to try my best to do what I can to make myself feel better...I had lost 30 pounds a couple years ago after being on Lyrica and was feeling pretty wonderful. I think if a person feels good about themselves and likes what they see in the mirror it can really help with all the pain and all the other garbage we deal with! I have put 10 pounds back on and with my short body it feels like 40 pounds. (include a bad case of IBS and feeling terrible in the middle and I feel like I have a 40 pound brick in my stomach to boot) I keep seeing these ladies on tv or in a magazine and I can remember feeling the way they look. Does that make sense? I have a skinny person (ok a somewhat skinny) trying to get out of my body..SO WHY CAN'T I STOP EATING SUGAR? I hate that my will power is in the toilet!! I will talk to myself everyday! Tell myself don't do it and then I do it anyway! Is it my
pain? I have got to get off of this rollercoaster ride once and for all...summer is coming and I do not want to wear a one piece bathing suit! I have a membership to the YMCA, so why can't I make it there everyday? I know that my energy level is in the toilet but if I could just get on the bike.....I mean being able to sit and pedal....what more could I ask for? But I am going to be taking Daisy for a 2 mile walk today...:) probably all I will do today. Thank you Jennifer and Bella...:)                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                      

1 comment:

  1. It really stinks to have to let go of your former self!! I understand, what a struggle! I'm trying hard not to let it get me down right now, but there are definite days. :( Sorry to hear about everything you are dealing with right now. But hang in there and just keep moving when you can! {gentle hugs}