Wednesday, April 7, 2010


I am so tired of feeling like crap, no pun intended either! I am so tired of my life being put on hold because I don't want to be around people! I am so tired of my husband going to bible study without me, living OUR life by himself! I am so tired of the pain, the intense crying, the swollen eyes, swollen stomach, hurt back, no energy, JUST FEELING LIKE S--T!!!!!!!!!!!!

I want my life back!!!! I love the life I have now, I just want to live it and enjoy it!!!!! There are days I just wander, WHY ME???? What did I do to deserve all this pain and misery??? Then I remember, I have a husband who loves me with ALL his heart and I love him with all my heart! I hate what this is doing to is so not fair to him..... I have a daughter who I adore and love with my every breath....I want to be there for her......I don't know what I am saying??? I just know that I am so tired of hurting and not feeling like me! I will have a day here and there and then weeks where...BAMM, it smacks me in the face again and says, hey need to feel like s--t!! You are not supposed to feel good!

I see happy people and you can tell by looking at them that they are feeling ok on the inside....i used to feel like that!!!!

I really want that again!!!!! I am sooooo tired and don't know if I can keep fighting it anymore!!!
I don't get things done like I used is taking me longer and longer to do things. I have a load of laundry that has been in the washer since yesterday and it is still in there.....WHY THE FRIG IS IT STILL IN THERE??????????????? It is just a load of it, finish it!!!! I hate myself right about now!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I actually have a rug in my living room that I mooved today to vacuum and clean and it is still turned sideways untouched.....I just walked over it!!!! Never even straightened it or not like me......

It has to get better, right??????

1 comment:

  1. An angry day, huh? We must be on the same page....I've been really irritated about this disease and what it has cost me. I've been writing about it too. I haven't finished it yet but it's on its way. I love reading your blog..I feel like it's written about everything that we all feel. This sucks. Tell me about the bible study......Cool!! I'm rambling because I'm foggy right now.