Ugh

I have to start with something that I think is funny first and something that is sad...(wow, this is taking all my energy to type)First the sad news. Last Christmas I helped my dad adopt a cat (about a yr old) which he was giving to my mom for a Christmas present and her name was Lizzy. Well this past Friday I got a call that Lizzy had been diagnosed with leukemia. Just all of a sudden the past couple days she had been throwing up and not acting right..:( Lizzy was in alot of pain and now she is playing in heaven. I am telling in hopes that if anyone that reads this, please be informed when it comes to feline leukemia, it can be prevented!

Now the funny, well kinda! My cat has gotten into the habit of waking me up to feed him if I don't get up on my own when Jim leaves for work. What I mean is, Gizzy (not Lizzy like my moms cat) will come to me and sit by my head and start pawing me on my head. I think he learned this from watching our dog. Our boxer used to do this every morning when she wanted to be let out and I was sleeping.
I try to get up when Jim leaves, stumble downstairs and take my meds and feed my cat. Then I usually come back to bed until they kick in.

This morning Gizzy tried his best to wake me and bless his heart it just wasn't working. I woke sometime about 4ish I think and the rest is history. I mean he tried pawing me on my side and that hurt! I mean just the pressure from my cats paw hurt, how crazy is that? I actually rolled over so he couldn't keep doing it...I barely remember Jim leaving and I always love to kiss him goodbye every morning.

I really feel like crap today!! I don't know if it is because it was a stressful/sad weekend because of Lizzy? I did do alot of crying.. I didn't do to much so I am confused??? Yesterday was BEAUTIFUL weather wise and today is cloudy??? I even layed down a couple times during the day yesterday. I did do some cleaning but nothing that was way out there??? I did do 30 minutes on the elliptical on Saturday and it was the good sweaty kind...it was great because Jim and I went to the Y together..:)
We have started making some healthier life changes. I am so proud of Jim! I know some of the changes are not easy but he is not giving up. I love it that we are doing it together, I love the closeness!!

I really hope that this flare doesn't last long, I have a plans this week and I really don't want to miss out on them....I GET TO SEE MY DAUGHTER and my PARENTS and that makes me happy. I am going to be getting a root canal on Friday and might be getting 2 root canals in 1 day, wahoo! That is just the beginning of all the dental work I need to have done. I am defiantly calling to get Jim a teeth cleaning app...I don't know if it's the fibro or what but my teeth have never been this bad. I do know that having a very dry mouth from one of my meds hasn't helped according to the dentist.

I really hope this trend of me waking up to bad mornings ends today! I mean my mornings are never good but the past couple of mornings, on a scale of 1 -10 they have been about a 10+. I lose so many hours of my day just trying to get started and I honestly can't stand that!!!!!!! Like I am laying here typing this and my body is just one dead weight and the thought of getting up and having to move is UGH!!!!!

So I am going to end this now and work on motivating myself to get up...:)

I can handle my fibro pain

Well I finally broke down and went to the dentist today. Jim had called around yesterday trying to find one that would work with us financially, like a payment plan or something. I need so much dental work done and my teeth have really been flaring lately. I have 2 on the left side that need immediate root canals! (yes, they are that bad)Last week I was putting orajel on my teeth and gums trying to make them feel better but that only works for a day or 2. On the right side I have a tooth that is missing where I once had a root canal done and the partial buildup was done and then the partial broke so now I have a big hole that is collecting gunk...this needs a bridge or a whole new tooth.
My gums are receding and my teeth are turning yellow....I USED TO LOVE TO SMILE!!! EVERYONE WOULD PICK ON ME BECAUSE I HAD SUCH A HUGE SMILE....

I can handle my fibro pain......BUT I CAN'T HANDLE THE PAIN I SEE IN JIM'S EYES THAT HAVING TO WORRY ABOUT HOW WE ARE GOING TO PAY FOR THIS CAUSES!!!!!!!

I know I have to trust that God is in control and that everything will workout.....I am just really tired of having to worry and the stress that Jim has to go thru....

Well there version of working with me is not really what we had in mind....
Lets say the crown and build up would cost 1400.00, (x 2) I could write them 4 checks and they would deposit on a month or something like that. He said they used to do monthly payment plans but got burned so many times....., maybe Jim can get something worked out. The root canal of course has to be done by someone else and that is $920.00 and I need 2 of them. The place that is doing them does not work with you. O' but of course they have this program called CARE something that you can apply for. It is like a loan/credit card program for dental and you can borrow up to $25,000 but of course we were turned down because of the bankruptcy.
Of course all these people do is look at #'s they don't look at the people...if they did they would know that we could afford to pay it back!!!!
We just don't have thousands of dollars laying around up front!!!!!
I mean we are saving up money, we are seeing things turn around and slowly but surly we are getting back on track but then this comes along and BOOM we will be back to where we started.....

I honestly have a hard time some days looking at Jim, I feel so guilty!! He works so hard and makes a very good living for us and it always me and my illnesses that come along and side slap us!!!!


I can handle my fibro pain, what I can't handle is that Jim is doing everything he can to make things right for us and my illnesses keep taking us back! It seems that every time we turn around and things seem to be going ok then something else comes up that is needed for me! Last year was one of the toughest years for us and we got thru it together! We had to file bankruptcy due to my illness and me not working. (it took us struggling for 3 years to get to that point and Jim did everything he could so the we wouldn't have to) Just going from 2 incomes to 1 income and having all the bills for 2 incomes and having a second home that just would not sell....IT TORE ME TO MY CORE!!!

I am laying here trying to write this and all I am doing is crying...I so wish my fibro pain would be intense right now and I could just curl up in a ball and not think about my teeth and what I am doing to Jim.

Jim is always telling that it will be ok but I know that he is stressing so much!!!! I hate it more than anything else.........

I mean we found out a couple of weeks ago that my car needs about 4 thousand dollars of work done to it!!!!!! Great, what do we do about that??
We just want to have our cars paid off and not have a payment and now this??????? Do we keep my car and invest the 4000.00 to fix it? Do we try and trade my car in and get another used car that will have longer payments (which will probably equal about the 4000.00) but then again, WHO is going to finance us at a good rate for a car loan?????

I WOULD RATHER BE IN FIBRO PAIN THAN FOR JIM TO HAVE TO KEEP DEALING WITH THE STRESS THAT MY ILLNESS KEEPS BRINGING ON!!!
Jim tries so hard to make me happy and I am so blessed to have him as my husband, I AM JUST SO FREAKING PISSED OFF AT THIS STUPID DISEASE AND WHAT IT HAS TAKEN FROM US!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I know I sound like I am having a pitty party and if that's what you want to think then so be it but as I always so......IT'S MY BLOG AND I CAN WRITE WHAT I WANT!!!!

Having fibro means you have to deal with pain EVERY day of your life, one day it maybe real low and the next it can be off the charts but you know you are going to have pain...
Having cfs means I am going to be tired alot.....I am learning to adjust to that...

I JUST WISH THAT IT DIDN'T COST SO FREAKING MUCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ok i'm done!

A Cold or the flu?

I am laying here in bed on Sunday night and it is only 8:25! I keep nodding off and waking up, just wish I could stay asleep. My legs are really hurting bad and my left hip is really giving me a fit. When I went to my pain doctor on Wednesday I got a shot in my left hip but it didn't make a bit of difference. In fact, I think it is even acting up more, hurting more! Just to touch it makes me want to go thru the roof.....
Well Jim got over his cough and now I have either got a good ol cold or am coming down with the flu. I am pulling for a cold!!! Either way I am going to be taking me a good dose of Nyquil here in about an hour...:) then off to lala land for me!
I just don't want it to get any worse because I have a very busy week ahead...well what I call a busy week. I am sure most people would say that what I call a busy week is a lazy week!!

It is still soooo sad that people don't get fibro!! I have always been a strong person but come on I am tired of being so strong...I am ready for a rest!!!
I honestly don't think any of my friends could go thru a month of what I do and make it as I do.....

Our church is going on a mission trip this summer to Mexico and Jim came home today and asked me if I would want to go? Our church (some members) went last year and I wanted to go then but was sooo afraid my fibro would be a problem. It gets very hot and it would be alot of hard work. Now don't get me wrong, I love hard work I just don't want to let anyone down. Well, I am praying on it right now and will see where I end up????? I do need to make sure I would have plenty of drinking water too...
I would love to go...the thought of doing good work and helping people would be so rewarding!!!!!

Having fibro has taken SOOOOO much from me but to be able to go to mexico and help people that have sooo much less than me and ARE HAPPY, that would be something I would never forget!!!!!
So I am going to pray and if I am meant to go, then I will go....

Well, I am going to crawl downstairs and take me a big gulp of orange juice which I my stomach will not like but is going to taste so good. Then I am going to kiss my hubby good night, he is watching the football game. Take my nyquil and then lala land is mine. (my ears are even starting to hurt..) The part that I am really dreading is tomorrow morning.....my body is going to really really feel like CRAP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Doing time on the inside

I wrote this for my loving bride, for after many conversations I felt I needed to try to put her words into a letter for all to read, this is full of personal pain and love, I am sure I didn’t capture everything correctly, but I tried to explain what I hear her saying to me. There are things I left out as they run to deep to even put on paper for people to see. I have no clue what it is like to have this disease but I do know what its like to Love a women and to watch day in and day out her suffering with the invisible disease…

Doing time on the inside
Locked in this prison, doing time
No hope of escape from the fleshly bonds
Invisible for all to see, but look in my eyes and you will see
I am doing time locked in my flesh, being tormented with every breath
I look at pictures of who I used to be before this prison took over me
Look in my eyes and you will see, the pain and hurt does not cease
No hope of pardons, no hope for freedom I am locked in my prison of earthly flesh
Look in my eyes and there you will see the glimmer of who I used to be
I am doing time with those I love; the sentence has affected all those I love
I am scared for my daughter, with this sentence I carry
I look in her eyes and see all of the her dreams, I pray the invisible is what she never sees
Look in my eyes as I am doing time, I see your laughter and I want to cry
I see your hurt and I cannot not cry, I numb from emotions from these prison walls
Its not that I don’t have them anymore, they have just been numbed by the invisible
Look at my eyes and you will see a purple little butterfly keeping hold of me
There was no trial for the sentence I carry; I woke up one morning to find these walls
Life has been changed all those who walk this earth with this invisible disease
Life has been changed for all those who love the one who is doing time
LOOK in my eyes if you do care and there you will find who I really am
Look around not in despair as this sentence I carry shows me who cares
I feel all alone in the prison I am in, but I hope and I pray that the sentence I carry
Will keep the ones I love from ever having to suffer for the sentence is forever on this place that we live
Look in my eyes and then no words will need to be said
Look in my eyes and you will see I am loved by many who cannot conceive
What it is like to live in this prison, but love me the same as before this disease
This sentence has taken so many things from me, but it can’t take my spirit and those who love me

Frustrated at my patient..:)

First things first.....I love you dad!!! I so enjoy my daily phone call to you and I am so happy that you and Alexx had dinner together!

Ok, now to what I want to write about and that is being frustrated at my husband! Yes, I said frustarted at Jim. The reason I am frustrated is because he is sick and I am trying to help him to get better and he is doing everything to not get better! I am exagerating some so let me explain....

Jim does a really great job of making sure that I have all of my meds. Even when I first got sick and we were going thru all of our financial "rearranging" he made sure that I had my meds because he knew thats what I needed. Those of us with fibro/cfs and the many things that go along with it know that can cost a pretty penny.

If I am having a bad day, Jim will make sure that I lay down for awhile. (Most days, there are some days that I just don't want to stop)

Jim is really good about rubbing my feet or legs when I just can't stand the pain any longer.

Jim has spent many restless nights due to my tossing and turning and has never once complained.

A couple Sundays ago, Jim went to church before me and I sent him a test letting him know I was on my way and the reason I was late leaving is due to the fact that I had gotten overheated and my body was shaking, especially my hands. He told me he was on his way home, not to leave!!! I asked him not to come get me but he didn't listen and came home anyway...

Jim has put up with my terrible mood swings due to my many pain levels!! I think this is perhaps the toughest one to handle...:(
Actually, I think my lack of personality might be the toughest one to deal with!!!!
(jim knows what I am talking about) I want to be by myself more times than not.

Jim put up with my weight gain and never once made me feel ugly!! I know he is happy though that I lost the weight, I look more like me now, hahahahaha!!!!

So, now to why I am frustrated with my hubby.....I WANT TO TAKE CARE OF HIM AND HE IS MAKING IT VERY HARD FOR ME TO DO IT!!!!!! HE HAS A CHOICE TO GET BETTER AND WON'T LET ME HELP HIM TO GET BETTER!!!!!
HE HAS A VERY BAD COUGH AND SOUNDS VERY STUFFY. I do not like it when my husband is sick, thank goodness it doesn't happen that often. I want to make him all better.
Last night he was laying on the couch and it was about 10:00 and I told him I was going to run to the store and get him some cough medicine and some cough drops. Now mind you it was rainy and cold out side...I am telling you that for a reason. I got him to take a cough medicine that helped him sleep really good and he hardly coughed at all...:)
This morning as he was leaving for work, I told him or asked him to take some of the cough medicine that I had got for him that is NON DROWSY. Did he, NO!!

My husband also has medicine that he has to take everyday...I have to remind him of that also!

Can anyone understand why I am frustrated?? Like I said, He can get better and won't let me help him!!!! I want to take care of him, like he takes care of me!!!!!

I love you Jim....now take your cough medicine....haha

ugh

just wanted to write a small ugh post....it's pretty sad when i have to go to my husbands office and i need to take a shower but i just don't have the energy to do it!!! i just feel ugh....i really wish i could explain it....i want to scream right now!!!! you know when you have the flu (it's that STUPID flu reference again)and you are just laying on the couch and don't want to move....that's me.
i did have a shower yesterday...just needed to mention that. i MADE myself go to the Y and ride the bike today for 30 minutes. i swear a couple times i wanted to scream, throw up, throw something, stop but i didn't!
i feel like i am just going thru the motions....
a friend of mine just wrote (i'm paraphrasing)that when she is in pain she isolates herself....i so understand!!!!
i could just lay here and not talk to anyone for hours.....my left hip is killing me....this is so unfair to my husband! He deserves a wife that is perky and full of life. I know I am feeling this way because this past week was very emotional and I am fighting a flare....
I hate feeling this way.........

today.....

I have my monthly doctors appointment (my pain doctor) next week and I am excited and nervous at the same time. I have been taking the same pain med for the past 2 years (oxy) I am a little nervous about going because we are going to be taking me off of the oxy....I know, I know, please don't start with all the O no the withdrawals are going to be terrible!! And before you start wanting to judge me the only reason I am coming off of the oxy is because of my IBS....constipation!! Yes, I just said it for the world to see...but I have said it before...:)
I didn't take the oxy to get high!!! I never felt buzzed!! IT HELPED WITH MY PAIN....it still wasn't 100% but it helped. I have also been taking something else that my pain doctor prescribed for me.
Anyway back to coming off of the oxy, I am nervous because I do know there will be some withdrawals to go thru...my doctor and I decided it would not be a good idea to do this during the holidays so January it is..:) I am not sure what we are going to try but I trust him. I am sure I will be doing lots of posting...

I am going to ask for a shot in my left hip...it has been giving me a fit more and more every day, especially in the morning. I defiantly can't keep it in the same position for very long...

My stomach woke me up again this morning about 5ish....the pain is so intense it hurts when I take a deep breath or if I try to move to my side...I have even layed in bed a cried because I just want to wake up and NOT hurt.....I mean come on, I have the fibro pain but my stomach, come on now!!!!!!!!!!!

This past week I have been very lucky as far as going into a full flare. With sitting at the hosp and keeping very odd hours, not getting alot of sleep, just plain ol stress. Yesterday was probably my worse day, my pain level was about a 6 1/2and my energy level was way low.
Jim has been very patient with me thru all this...I know it is not easy for him...I wish I could really explain how I feel to him. Yesterday he was really tired and said he wanted to go back to bed and sleep. I almost said to him, welcome to my everyday world..haha
Right now I feel kind of disconnected from my body??? It's kind of hard to explain...I feel numb. It's not a bad thing, I mean I am not upset or anything?? I can't explain it....

One more note, they are talking about the golden globe awards show and I think I should win one!!! I should win one for BEST ACTRESS!! I can go out and put on a show and NO ONE will no I am in pain....unless they really know me or care enough to pay attention....look in my eyes, really look in my eyes! Look at my smile, really look at my smile!
It amazes me when people say, you look great.....they are really NOT looking at me!!!

Bound to happen

Well it was bound to happen and I am so thankful that my body held on as long as it did....I am talking about a flare. Right now it is not full blown but it is there on the edge....so I am in bed just laying here. My body won't let me do much of anything else
I I am hoping that if I lay here for a couple hours and not fight it my body will be happy with me and then I can get up around 11:00, take a shower and go with Jim at lunch to see Sue in the hospital.
I am so happy, words cannot express how happy I am! I didn't doubt for 1 second that Sue would come through her heart surgery with flying colors!! Not 1 second, I knew that GOD was in total control, I had / have a complete peace about the whole thing!!! I truly believe that Sue is going to feel 1000% better than she did before!!
It has been a REAL eye opener for the whole family and some good changes are going to be made...some LIFE CHANGES!! Not like new years resolutions, you start them with good intentions then a couple weeks you quit. It is not all changes, some things are just going to be brought back into our lives that we kinda got out of the habit of doing. (having fibro has a nasty way of doing that.....)

1. I used to not cook with salt at all, I would use other spices. Since Jim LOVES salt I started using salt....WELL BACK TO WAY LESS SALT OR NO SALT WHEN COOKING :)
I am not saying Jim is going to go salt less, I am not crazy but hopefully cut way back!!!


2. Not buying soda for the house anymore! I had stopped buying them and then for some reason I bought them...:( I will keep some 7-up or sierra mist for amaretto but that is about all. Sue has not had a soda since the first of September last year..:) I try to drink nothing but water. I carry water with me at ALL times but if soda is in the house I will take a few sips if I am eating certain foods. BAM!!!!! My stomach instantly will pay the price...so why do I do it?? Just like I CANNOT drink orange juice...:( for about a month every morning around 5ish my stomach would wake me up in pain...the only thing I can think of is...I was drinking OJ!!! AND I SAID BEFORE I WOULD NEVER DRINK OR EAT ANYTHING TO DO WITH ORANGES BECAUSE I WENT THRU THIS BEFORE!!!! I don't know if this is the cause but you don't have to hit me upside the head with a baseball bat for me to get the message!!! So, NO OJ (i'm sorry i asked you to buy the oj the other day jim, i'll take it to jjj..:) hahaha) So, if my stomach gets this way again I will know it's not orange juice.. A month...I can't believe I kept drinking it, I mean it was only a small glass in the morning...

3. WALKING....Jim and I used to walk in the evenings and I loved it!! I know he did it more for me but it is good for both of us. We don't have to have a dog to go walking....It is AWESOME for stress and BOY do we have that in our life!!! With my fibro it is not as easy to just get up and go so we have to grab the moment when we can but we are going to grab the moment!! IT IS WONDERFUL FOR STRESS.....NOT TO MENTION MY BUTT AND THIGHS...:)

4. Fibro sucks and it robs you of your health but what people don't realize is that it also robs you of your health in other ways....what I mean is, you don't have the energy and are in pain, you don't want to do things, you gain weight and you have a tendency to lay around so your body gets where all you want to do is lay around...then your spouse lays around with you because they stop doing things because after MANY years of trying to get you to do things they just give up and join you on the couch...then you BOTH become couch potatoes and gain weight and become even unhealthier....does all that make sense?????? WELL THAT TRAIN STOPS NOW!!!! I had been going to the Y and doing very well up until the first of November and just because it's winter I am not going to let my 30 pound weight loss be in vain!!!

I know that everyone has different opinions when it comes to fibro. What works for one person might not work for the next person and that is sooo frustrating! One thing I have found that does help me is to go to the Y...even if it is just to ride the bike for 30 minutes. Any form of exercise that I can do makes me feel so much better. I am a short person, 5'2 (barely) and last year this time I weighed more than I did when I was 9 months pregnant with my daughter 19 years ago!!! I am going to find my fat picture that was taken last year that was my AH HA moment that also thru me into a kinda depression and when I do, I will add to this post.
Me having fibro has completely devastated me and this year I am "choosing" (thanks Pam)to do what I can to make me feel better. I know that my fibro will never go away so I have to do what I can....when I can!
I cannot wait for Jim to go with me or do things with me...I would LOVE to do things together! That makes me happy, I want to be the couple that rides bikes together, goes on walks together, gets healthy together....

What I mean by all this babble is....THIS YEAR I KNOW MY FIBRO ISN'T GOING ANYWHERE BUT I AM GOING TO DO WHAT I CAN TO MAKE MYSELF FEEL BETTER!!

Life changes........

With Jims mom (Sue) being in the hospital waiting to have her surgery on Monday, Jim and I have had time to take a loonnnngggg look at our life style and where we NEED to make changes. No one is invincible!!!
I need to warn you about this post, it might be long, it might go all over the place, it might seem choppy, and at times it might even seem like I am on my soap box.
But then again this is MY blog and I can say what I want and this is what I AM thinking and feeling.....
I am madly in love with my husband and want to be with him for many many years to come.......if getting my husband to cut back on his salt/way back, change some eating habits and getting us back into a workout routine is going to help do that then that is what we will do!

I am going to back up here a bit......this past Sunday 1/2/2011 Jim and I got a call that Sue was at an urgent care and we needed to come get her and take her to the hospital right away she wouldn't go by ambulance and it was a pretty serious matter. We of course stopped what we were doing right away and left. Long story short, cut to today 1/8/2011 Sue is going to be having open heart surgery in the morning to fix her beautiful heart!!!! Last Sunday they had to put in 3 emergency stints and they want those out. (When they put in stints, they don't like to put in more than 1)
OK SO NOW BACK TO SUE BEING IN THE HOSPITAL AND JIM AND I REALLY LOOKING AT OUR HEALTH

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OK so today is 1/10/2011 and Sue is having her open heart surgery as we speak. I know that she is going to be 100% fine and cannot wait to be going to the Y with her in a couple months...:)
We got to the hospital about 5:30 this morning and as of 8:36 they had started the procedure.....
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We know that my health sucks due to the fibro but how is my heart? (my mom has problems) How is my cholesterol? My blood pressure is great!!!
I have lost about 30 pounds since last April/May and it was badly needed. I am a very short person and trust me being overweight and having fibro does not help!! On a side note, I have my monthly appointment with my pain doctor next week and I am going to be talking to him about my hips. My left hip has gotten so bad that most mornings it is at least a 7 out of 10 on the pain scale. It doesn't hurt when I walk or anything...
How is Jim's heart? I know his cholesterol is a little high. He is doing FANTASTIC on quiting his skoal!!! I am sooooo proud of him!! I know how hard it is for him to quit. I found out the other day that he has been doing some skoal and to be honest my heart actually ached when I found out! I would be lying if I said I was not disappointed! Jim has tried to quit several times and I had/have such high hopes that he can do it, so when I found out that he had been doing skoal again I thought here we go again..... When I met Jim he was doing skoal but thru the years he has started doing it more and more. Also I love to kiss him and I don't want anything to happen to him! I worry about the side effects....
Jims blood pressure is high and he is on blood pressure medicine. He is getting much better about taking his pills, well it is my nagging that helps...:)

Jim and I used to exercise together all the time and that is possibly the one thing I miss the most!!! When Jim and I decided to run/walk a half marathon years ago it seems, it was the training that I loved the most! We spent time together talking almost every evening...it was wonderful. On the weekends we would get up and go early but the point is we were doing it together and we were talking.....something we don't seem to do alot of some days! As for the half marathon in case anyone is wondering, we did it!!!! I can't remember what place we finished but we finished it!! Jim had a battle wound on his foot (blister) it was pretty bad and most people would have quit but not but my baby...he suffered thru for me! Trust me it was a really nasty blister too...:( I was sooo proud of him....:)
Training for that half marathon was one of my favorite times....

My fibromyalgia has not only ruined my health but has also effected Jims health.....
By me becoming less active so has Jim...This past year was a very very stressful year for us with alot of financial stuff and personal stuff! That alone caused us both to become couch potato's....
Our yard went down hill really fast! I missed doing our yard work every weekend..I love getting out there early on Saturday morning and working all day and having a beer when we were done. Talk about a great workout but I felt sooooo good and again Jim and I would talk and I "think" he enjoyed the time together as well. I tried doing what I could do myself but I was fighting an uphill battle and I lost!!
The garden at the top of the hill didn't stand a chance...I have told Jim that this spring if he wants anything planted, HE IS GOING TO HAVE TO HELP ME keep it watered and weeded. I would like to plant alot more than we have in the past, make it a full garden. I need his help though....I CANNOT do it by myself and I don't want to pay someone to do what we are capable of doing!!!!
I miss being active together...

STRESS CAN REALLY MESS WITH YOU!!!!

I hate that me having fibro has had such a trickle down effect on Jims health and in even more ways on mine.....stress has caused us to become more seditary....THIS IS GOING TO CHANGE AND IS CHANGING!!!
I AM TIRED OF GOING TO THE Y ALONE!!
Jim says that he wants to loose 15 or so pounds, he can DO IT!!!! I BELIEVE he can do anything he wants to...he just REALLY has to want to!! I will support him and encourage him, I just don't want him getting mad at me.

I am writing all this because with everything we have gone thru this past week with Jim's mom, it is a reminder that we need to get healthy! We cannot take our bodies for granted!! We make jokes and laugh about things, WE CANNOT TAKE ANYTHING FOR GRANTED...WE CANNOT START TOMORROW.....WE CANNOT HAVE "JUST" ONE MORE.....

I LOVE YOU JIM AND I WANT OUR LIVES TOGETHER TO BE LONG AND HEALTHY.....it is up to us to make the right choices and stick to them...I am not saying we have to go all health guru and stuff just make better choices and stick to them....

My fibro (yes, it is mine ) has already done enough damage to our lives, it is time we take back what we can!!!

New Year starting off with a bang....

Well today is January 3rd and it is my moms birthday! The good lord blest me with an awesome mom! The saying that God works in mysterious ways is sooo true! My mom and I have had what I would call the typical mother/daughter love/hate relationship growing up. What I mean is that my teenage years I was your typical wild child and my mom and I didn't see eye to eye and now I consider her one of my dearest friends!!! I live about 4 hours away and call her at least once a day, sometimes even 2 or 3 times! I LOVE YOU MOM AND HAPPY BIRTHDAY.....
Now on another note...my mother in law is in the hospital.Yesterday, Jim and I were in the grocery store when we got a call from the nurse at urgent care telling us that Sue was there and needed to be taken to the emergency room and that she didn't want to go by ambulance and could not drive herself. Mike, my father in law was working. Of course we went straight there. Well, she has had a couple of heart attacks, some problems with her breathing due to some fluid on her lungs and they are checking everything else. Yesterday she had 3 stints put in and we are waiting word on by-pass surgery???? Please, please keep her in your prayer as she is a very very special lady to me!
Right now I don't have time for my body to flair or act up....so I am just going to put my BIG GIRL PANTIES on and take care of Jim and his family and then I will deal with me......