Thursday, June 24, 2010

Back to reality

Wow it is hot outside.....I usually love it when it is hot outside but not this hot and humid! It stops me from doing yard work and I have so much to do. Being gone for so long, everything either died or has just grown over. I wish I could afford to pay someone to just come in and help me get it cleaned up again. I had it looking so good and I just don't think I have the energy or the strength to do it all again. That really depresses me!!! I love my yard looking nice, that is one of my favorite things. I love to be able to pull up to my house and think WOW, that is ours!!! Our yard looks great!!! We also have some work to do on the front of our house, but now that things are getting back to normal hopefully we can get them done. One thing at a time.....
I had so many things on my to do list this week....well that kinda went out the window. I got some of the little things done but as for cleaning my house, ironing and working in the yard, which I really wanted to do. Forget it!! I hate that my body won't let me!!!!
I mean Tuesday I COULDN'T get out of bed until about 1:00. Yes, I said COULDN'T not didn't. Anyone with fibro/cfs knows and understands exactly what I mean by that!!!

I woke up this morning about 4 am and couldn't move my stomach was hurting so bad!! It hurt to breath or even turn. I just layed there...I fell back to sleep but kept waking up...not a good nights sleep. It feels as though my insides are in knots, like my colon is all twisted and if I move it aggravates it. I hate how my stomach controls my whole life!!!!! This is why I have lost weight, I don't want to eat anything!!! Everyone gives me a hard time because I eat certain foods but I know what doesn't bother me!!! I want to eat healthy but at the same time, I don't want to be in pain!!!! I have lost a little over 20 pounds and want to lose another 13.....I CAN DO IT!!!!

My friends that read this that have fibro, please let me know how you deal with the emotional toll this all takes on you??? I mean, I have been thinking about how I have changed personality wise because of this disease, how my memory doesn't work. I used to spell really well and I am now having to ask everyone how to spell words on a daily basis. If I am writing or typing something it takes me twice as long to do because my brain just doesn't focus like it should.
I have just changed so much........not all bad though :)


  1. Hi Lynn-Marie,
    I am so sorry you are feeling so bad. It will be better, but it is hard to trust that when you feel like you do.

    I am not handling how I have changed AF (after Fibro). That is a huge problem for me. It is so very hard to reconcile how I was with how I am now. The -- spelling! The -- brain fog! The -- can't remember a damn thing! The -- I use to be so active and now it is an accomplishment to get showered and dressed and a least one meal on the table! It is so frustrating. You seem to accomplish a lot, Lynn-Marie. I know it is not everything you used to do, but it is still a lot. You need to give yourself credit for what you have done, not put yourself down for what you haven't. Cut yourself a little slack and congratulate yourself for how remarkable you are!


  2. Hey sweetie........I agree with CJ. It is so fricking hard to fight this thing constantly. You do accomplish a great deal and considering the stress you were under with your really are handling it very well. It's no wonder your body is smacking you a little...

    You'll be better soon, I hope.

    xoxo my friend......