Monday, July 16, 2012

Stop this madness!

Fist let me say that I ate 10 maybe more homemade chocolate chip cookies this weekend!!! Kind of like AA, admitting you have a problem is the first step...haha
I usually don't have cookies in my house for just this reason. I think if they had not been homemade it would have been easier to stay away...hahahahahaha My friend Melissa made them for our Vacation Bible School and what was left over I brought home to take to church for our Juice Java Jesus (coffee and snacks before service) . I sent her a text an told her that her cookies were evil, hahaha......ANYWAY, NO MORE FREAKIN COOKIES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

***since I wrote the previous paragraph I have eaten another 10 more cookies and now there are NONE!!***

I don't know if it is the menopause or the hormones I am taking but I have gained about 7 pounds and I am miserable!!! I used to have will power and now I don't have any.. the harder I tell myself not to eat something  I do...!!!!! I sit around with NO energy but I find the energy to wallow into the kitchen....

This past week I started physical therapy on my arms. They have been getting weaker and weaker and I have a hard time some days even opening a jar. My shoulders give me a fit too if I use them a certain way...I think of all the boxes I used to lift over my head and fixtures I used to lift and move and I feel so useless some days! The tingling in my fingers still comes and goes. I have promised my mom that I would get the circulation in my legs checked and that is a promise I plan to keep,,(within the year)
This past week I had my monthly appt. with my pain doctor and it was I think one of the best ones in along time. Really talked to me and was really listening to me. I was with him for about 20 minutes and that is along time for a doctors visit. That did not include getting the shots in my hips either. The pain is not actually in my hips, well to me not what I call hips but they hurts like all get out!!!! When I sleep at night the pain wakes me up when I move or I will find myself sleeping in the same position all night and then when I wake up it hurts so bad to move, can't win! If I sit in position for long or just wrong.....ouch!

Wow, this might be to much info but then again it is my blog and I can say what I want....I had my first period in 5 months! Yaa Hoo.....I am not crazy!!! I was having all the symptoms uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu
I mean it really wasn't a big deal, the cramps and the headaches were the worst part. I would say the bloating was bad, which it was but I can't blame that in my period!


This past Friday I decided to go outside and so some yard work, (1 hour at the most) which I soooo love to do and miss doing!!! I used to spend 8 or more hours a day out there on the weekends and you can tell I don't anymore. Jim does a really good job with the grass and the edging but he has never been one to like all the frufru stuff...:-) I never thought I would say this but our next house will have very little yard and very low maintenance. I just can't handle the stress. Yes, I said stress..I know it sounds crazy but my yard stresses me out looking at it!!!! I just want it to be done with once and for all!!! 

Friday night I had a flare that came out of no where and it was off the charts!! I was feeling ok, not good not bad, my usual self and then I went up stairs to lay down and it just started..slowly creaping up on me! My entire body hurt, it hurt to lay down and have the sheets touch my skin, it hurt to stand up, it hurt to sit up, it hurt to just lay on the bed! It hurt to be awake.....It hurt to breath......
Jim had gone to the movies with a friend so it was just me and the pets. Thank goodness Daisy was being a doll baby and not jumping up and down she was sleeping in the bed with me but I knew it was just a matter if time before she would want down....I was sooo on edge. Then the doorbell rings and someone starts to come in the house, it freaks me out!, Daisy gets hyper and my body goes into overdrive in pain trying to get her down off the bed. It was Kyle coming to stay the night....(his dad had forgot to tell me) and it was a true blessing to me, I was so happy to see him even though I don't think I saw him for more than 10 seconds that night. I was upstairs he was downstairs and of course Daisy ran downstairs to him....:-) I asked Kyle to watch her and I went back to bed and I don't really remember much until Jim got home. I do remember sorta begging Jim to get me another pain pill (which I have only done about 5/6 times before) what I mean is I took extra out of my schedule. I also remember snapping at Jim not to touch the bed....the rest of the night is sort of a blur until about 3am and then BOOM, wide awake!!!!!! My pain level had gone from off the charts to about a 6...

Saturday was a pretty laid back day.....a wasted day!!!! I ate of course, that is one thing I am getting to be good at!! My energy level was in the toilet as well as Sunday.
My husband was so loving and tried so hard to be understanding and a great job he did. Being the husband of someone that has fibro has got to be sooooooo hard, I often wonder could I do what he does for me if the roles where reversed? I know how trying I can be!!!! I snap at him when I am in pain and I don't mean to....I do know how lucky I am!!!!

I am in such a rut right now and have got to get out of it!!!!!!!!!!!! I hate that I have no energy and no motivation to do my mind I plan all these to do and just can't get my body to move. My bladder / IC is acting up again...I wonder if that has anything to do with how I am feeling?

My mind never shuts down.....I am always thinking about how I feel and how I want to look like I used too!! I am sooooooooo unhappy with how I look!!! And the bad part is all I have to do is quit eating sooo much and start exercising....sounds sooooo easy right? WELL THEN WHY CAN'T I FREAKIN DO IT???????

Lord my left hip is killing me right now.....but I am going to get up and go to the Y.....even if it is just for 20 minutes!!
My husband wrote a post and asked the question, what are peoples pet peeves? Mine is the same as I'm sure most people with fibro have....when people see me they think just because I look fine, I feel fine! I wish more people would realize that I have been dealing with this pain for about 5 years now and I don't always show it but I AM ALWAYS HURTING!!!



  1. Hi Lynne-Marie
    I could not find an email address for you so am posting my message to you here.

    I am the author of ‘Stella’s FMS eNews’, a weekly blog for the benefit of fibro sufferers/fighters, their families and friends as well as medical practitioners. I provide links to an array of other sites that give information, advice and hope to readers.

    I have recently been nominated for the VERY INSPIRING BLOGGER Award.

    Today I am nominating YOU for that Award...Congratulations. With this award, there are rules before acceptance –
    1) Display the award logo on your blog.
    2) Link back to the person who nominated you.
    3) State 7 things about yourself.
    4) Nominate 15 other bloggers for this award and link to them.
    5) Notify those bloggers of the nomination and the award’s requirements.
    Please check out today’s blog to see my response to the nomination

    If you are not already on my emailing list and would like to be reminded when each new post appears, then please let me know and I will include you in future. If you wish to use my logo as a link from your site please feel free to do so.
    Best regards

  2. Dear Marie, I hope you receive this message. I just want to give you a little hope. Please ask your doctor about Gabopentin (Neurontin). It is not made for Fibromyalgia, but apparently it has been found to help by calming our nerves...yes nerves. I know many people/doctors focus on the muscles...but now I believe it definitely in a nerve problem. My doctor just gave me the Rx last week, and it's like a miracle for me.

    My Fibro is nowhere near as bad as yours, but it is bad. This drug has somehow taken away enough of the pain that I feel I actually sleep at night and feel awake in the morning, ready to go! When I get up after sitting (any amount of time), I actually "get up"! I don't hesitate, grab something to help me, moan or feel the great pain that I ALWAYS feel anytime I move. There's a lot more I could talk about but I don't want to make this toooooo looooong!!! This week has been amazing to me.

    For the last ten years I didn't know if it was Fibromyalgia, or just me getting old. (This started in my early 40's...what was I thinking???) It took me years to even ask my doctor about it, the Rheumatologist was unsympathetic, he told me I had to change my lifestyle. Hmmm, I should tell my husband not to have cancer, tell my Dad to stop getting old and having dementia, and tell my 15 year old son to stop acting 15! Yeah, easy.

    Anyway, my GP was much more sympathetic, and gave me this new drug as a trial. Thank God for doctors that aren't afraid of going "off-label"...don't alway have time to wait for the clinical trials that take 15 years to complete.

    I am going to post this on as many Fibro Blogs as I can so that others can be helped. It might not work for everyone, but it will probably help with all medications.

    If you try it, please let me know if it helped or not.

    God Bless, Felicia