Monday, May 2, 2011

A sense of me???

I am not sure if my title for this post will make sense to everyone but it does to me and hey, that's what matters!!! haha

I have no really good excuse for not posting lately except for it takes me about an hour to type a paragraph! It is getting harder and harder for me to get my words from my mind to here. It is like there is a brick wall and when it comes up it stays up and I have to fight to get the words thru. This will sound so strange but it is like I can feel the words in my brain and they are right there and they are fighting-stretching to come out??? I will type something and reread it at least 10 times and most times change what I wrote and go in a different direction.
The past couple of weeks I have had to send out emails concerning the MEXICO MISSION TRIP Jim and I are going on at the end of June. I have been driving him crazy because I have had to ask him to help me. By that I mean I will type a sentance and then ask him what he thinks and end up changing the whole thing. It is so frustrating to me!!!!

I was a District Manager for 15 yrs and would send out emails daily. I was a DM trainer and would deal with people from the corporate office all the time thru emails. I never had a problem!!! It is so maddening to me not be able to do something that used to come so naturally to me. (by the way, it just took me 23 minutes to write this paragraph)

I am knocking on wood right now as I type this.....since about the end of March my pain has not really been above a 5/6 except for a handful of days. My mornings as usual are still cruddy! This morning I woke up and I swear I could feel EVERY nerve in my body. I told Jim it felt as though they were back firing, or they were on fire! When he went to kiss me goodbye, he was being silly (which I really love for him to do and I hate that fibro tries to steal that from him) by being silly I mean he was just giving me a bunch of kisses really quick and I had to say, baby please don't. I HATE FIBRO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! He said ok and acted as though he was ok but I know he hates to hear me say that. He is so strong and is always there for me!!

OK now back to my tital....This past Saturday we had the first of our 2 fund raisers for our MEXICO MISSION TRIP. It was a golf tournament, BBQ and Silent Auction all together. I was in charge of the silent auction and I am so happy to say that we raised more money than we did last year and that everything was bid on except for 2 things. Last year there were roughly 20 people that went on the mission trip, this year we only have 8.
This is my first mission trip and I am so excited, nervous, scared and a whole bunch of other emotions. I need to explain something....Last year I wanted to go so bad but there was no way my body could have handled it, or my mental state!
Jim and I talked and prayed about it and said that if my body and frame of mind were in a better place that we would go this year. The group that we are going with could not be any better and I know that they will watch out for me. Make sure that I am doing ok and that I don't over do it. Going on the trip is our dear friend Paul (Jim's best friend and business partner)his son Nick, Chris Stegall and his son, (Chris is in our Bible study small group and is also a very dear friend)our Pastor and his wife Jaime. How is that for a group??? They have all seen the good, the bad and the ugly with my fibro! The have all prayed for me, prayed with me and stuck by me. As far as I am concerned it is a good group. Only thing that would make it better is if my daughter was going!!! Also it would be nice if Paul or Chris's wife were going. Well, there is always next year!

OK, OK, I still have not explained my here goes. Being in charge of the auction was the first thing in many years that I have been in "charge" of. I mean I came up with how I wanted to do it, set it up and so on. My pastors wife, Jaime was right there with me the whole way helping me. (we only had 2 months to put the whole event together)Anyway, I'm not going to go into all the nitty grity except to say that it was frustrating at times for me. After everything was all done and everyone was all gone, everything was picked up and packed, Jim, Jaime and Craig sat outside at one of the patio tables (the auction was held in the golf club house)and counted the money from the auction, went over receipts and just talked about numbers, how much money we made versus last year. I FELT LIKE ME!!!! It felt so good to feel normal!!

I AM IN CHARGE OF THIS if you are reading this and want to donate something for our yardsale, please contact me...:)

Jim has been on several mission trips and when he talks about them his face lights up. Listening to him talk about the children in India and how he felt when he came back. He has said several times that he would love to take me there but that is just one place at this time I have no desire to go. Maybe one day???

Well, this has been longer than I thought it would be but it felt good to write something. Even if it did take me almost 2 hours to get it done..:(

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